The One That Got Away
by Lizwontcry
Summary: AU. Holly Gribbs survived her first night as a CSI, only to be taken by the miniature killer 7 years later. Grissom calls Sara in to take Holly's place. Can they still find each other when everything's different? GSR, slight hint of YoBling later.
1. Prologue

**A/N - This one's been floating around in my brain for a few months. It might take a bit of getting used to at first, being AU, but I think it will pay off for all of us in the long run. I like to believe fate plays a big part in our lives, and if something is supposed to happen, it will happen no matter what the boundaries are. So that is essentially what this story is about.**

**Feedback is always welcome and appreciated, I would love to hear any comments you might have. Thanks to GSFanatic for the beta, 'cause she has to listen to my crazy rantings and make them not so crazy.**

He had a dream once. It was after a triple shift and one terrible migraine. When he finally was able to close his eyes, he dreamed about Sara Sidle. It was not the first time he dreamed about her, but this one was different. He dreamed they worked together for years and years, and while there was definite interest on both their parts, it took something drastic to finally get them together. It was the most frustrating dream he ever had.

When he woke up, he knew it was only a dream. Because it never would have taken years. If he was single when he met her for the first time, it would have taken days, if not hours. And if she was single when they met again, it would be the same story. It was always about timing. It was always about fate. And the dream was wrong, because it never would have happened like that. He was mad at his subconscious for even suggesting it could happen that way.

Things were different now that he lost his chance. Now divorced, he does think about what could have been more often than he used to. The dream he had, it pisses him off. Because when he met her, he was different. He was not this old, burned out man that could barely face going to work every day to face a bitter supervisor that should have been replaced years ago and a bunch of angsty CSIs that were in need of a good leader. He still loved to give seminars, loved seeing a brand new crop of students, most of which were eager to learn. If he had an especially bad day, all he had to do was find a roller coaster to make it all better. He hadn't quite lost faith in humanity yet, but he was getting there.

His mentor, the man who trained him to be a CSI, told him that eventually it happens. It always happens. You can think all you want that the cases, the bodies, the people aren't going to get to you. But one day you'll wake up and you'll wonder if you can do it again. You'll wake up and wonder how you're going to get dressed, eat something, go to work and see more dead bodies. He didn't think it would ever happen to him, but it did. He was burned out and used up.

His wife was a good woman and she put up with a lot over the years. Most of the time she ignored his tendency towards being a workaholic, because as a doctor, she was guilty of the same thing. But one day, after being married for 20 years, at least 15 of those years being good ones, they came home at the same time and realized they hardly even recognized each other anymore. And that was the beginning of the end.

They had a daughter, she was beautiful, shy, and smart. He sent her off to college with a smile on his face, knowing she'd leave her mark on the world. Now out of college and in law school, she called him every couple of days.

"I'm worried about you, Dad," she'd say. "Have you found anyone yet?"

He had, years ago in San Francisco, but he didn't tell his daughter that. He didn't tell anyone that, especially not the woman from San Francisco. Besides, he heard she was married now, which didn't surprise him. Why wouldn't she be?

If things were different, it could have been him. In a different world, if he was a different man, it could have been him.

* * *

This was not how she envisioned her life. She had a plan of what she wanted to do with herself by the time she was 8 years old. Laura Sidle had never been very ambitious, married the first man she slept with and had babies as soon as she could, and she did not want to be like that. She wanted to be a cop, like she saw on those TV shows. The cops she talked to at the hospital were always really nice and understanding; she wanted to be like them.

But as she got older, she took an interest in science. Science was always there when she needed it; it was easy. Science gave her answers when nothing else, or nobody else, would. She didn't know she could mix the two until later in her life, so by the time she was 15, she'd given up on the dream to be a cop. By 15; she'd seen things that would make even the more seasoned cops cringe, anyway.

At Harvard, she took a class on forensics. Every class at Harvard interested her; she was always so anxious to learn something new. But the class on forensics fascinated her. The professor talked about crime scene investigating, and how scientists could use their knowledge and experience to catch criminals in the act. When she walked out of that class, she knew her life was about to change. Her dream of being a cop wasn't that far out of reach anymore.

After graduating, she got a job at the lab in San Francisco and quickly moved up the ranks. When her boss sent her to the Forensics Academy Conference for a week, she was excited to learn something new about her chosen career. She went to the seminar thinking it would be exactly like the last one. The speaker would probably be old as dirt and as grating as nails on a chalkboard, it seemed like they all were. The subject matter would be interesting, but not fascinating. And she would probably be fighting the urge to put her head down and just take a tiny little nap.

But again, her life was changed by a single class. The man was a brilliant speaker. He was funny without being dumb, interesting without being pompous, intelligent without being boring, and, well, gorgeous. After the lecture was over, she approached him and asked him way too many questions regarding anthropology and forensics. She couldn't help herself, not even if she tried. There was just something about him, something that she couldn't turn away from. And sometimes, when the light was right, she sensed that he felt the same way.

But he had a ring on his finger and eventually he had to leave. Everything was different after he went back to Vegas a week after she met him. Things changed. She dated a few guys, but it would never go past a second or third date. She found herself looking forward to his emails more than she liked going on dates. Eventually, she decided this needed to change, so she got herself a real boyfriend He was a relatively nice guy, but in her heart she knew she could never love him, or anyone else, as much as she could have come to love Gil Grissom. But he was married, and he was gone, so when Robert asked her to marry him, she said yes. It was the easiest decision she ever made.

It wasn't like she wasn't happy, like they weren't happy together. There were plenty of good times. He was a nice guy and never laid a hand on her. He was nothing like her father, and she felt nothing like her mother. Most of the time. Sometimes she felt that urge she knew her mother must have felt, and it terrified her.

But when they held hands while walking down the street or kissed or made love, she could never shake the feeling that she was with the wrong person. He'd never be the one she wanted. She met the man she was meant to be with, but it wasn't the right time. Now she was married, and it never could be the right time. They still kept in touch with the occasional email, but none of the emails ever contained what was left unsaid between them. That's how it had been, and that's the way it would be.

She would never tell anyone, but she was a big believer in fate and karma. She felt whatever she sent out to the universe, it would be returned to her in some kind of way. And the day she got the email asking her to come to Vegas, she knew it had come back to her, giving her a second chance.


	2. Chapter One

**A/N - In this chapter and the next one (coming soon, I swear!) we have some back story. Chapter 3 will start in the present, and that's where we are. Again, comments and feedback are appreciated!**

_June 1998_

"Gil? Where the hell are you?" Jim Brass asked the layout room. He saw Gil go in the room, but he didn't see him anywhere.

"Under here, Jim," came the sound of Gil's disembodied voice. "I'm, um, under the table."

Jim looked under the table, and true to Gil's word, there he was, under the table.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for Harvey, my little zebra spider. I was taking a head count before I left, and I noticed he was missing. A colleague of mine from Texas sent him to me; I'd feel pretty bad if I lost the little guy."

Jim suppressed the urge to jump up on the table. He had tons of respect for Gil, but he was still not a big fan of spiders.

"Oh, um, that's nice, I guess. Anyway, you're leaving? Where are you going?"

Gil slowly retreated from under the table. He frowned.

"Didn't I tell you? I'm going to the Forensics Academy Conference in San Francisco. I'm teaching a seminar."

"I could have sworn...when are you leaving?" Jim asked.

Gil looked at this watch. "In about an hour."

Jim sighed. "Great. You leave me here with two newbies and Catherine. Hurry back, Gil, I'm going to need your help."

"Warrick and Nick are very capable CSIs, and Catherine has been helping us a lot with the training. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

Jim followed Gil back into his office. "Aren't you going to keep looking for that spider?" He asked nervously.

"Relax, he's harmless. If you happen to find a spider that's black and white like a zebra, scoop him up and put him in the terrarium. I don't know how he got out, but it doesn't surprise me. Spiders are smart, you know--"

"Yes, yes, spiders are wonderful and beautiful, I know. Just...hurry back, okay?" Jim left Gil alone in his office, staring 10 feet in front of him so as not to come in contact with a spider that looked like a zebra.

Gil closed the door to his tiny office. It wasn't much to look at but he was grateful to have it in the first place, since most of the CSIs didn't get an office, only supervisors did. But he needed a place to put his bugs, and after leaving a terrarium in the break room for a few weeks, everyone in the lab was practically begging the lab director to give Gil an office.

He picked up the phone and dialed a very familiar number.

"Hello?" Asked the young voice on the phone.

"Hi, honey. Is your mom home?"

His daughter sighed. She was 16 years old and always in a bad mood. Gil remembered when she used to greet him excitedly when he came home in the morning, which he always tried to do before she went to school. "Daddy's home! Daddy's home!" She didn't do that anymore.

"No, she's working. I mean, obviously, right? Why should I ever have a parent here to help me with my homework? It's not like I ever--"

"Nice, Charlotte. Now how's that car of yours? You know, the one we bought you with our hard-earned money the day you turned 16? How's that working out?"

"Yeah, I get it," she muttered. "I'll tell her you called when she gets back." And then he heard a dial tone.

He could have called his wife at the hospital but he knew she'd be busy. She knew he was leaving for a week, anyway, they didn't need to talk about it again. He didn't know when, but at some point in the last year or so, they'd pretty much stopped talking to each other unless necessary. He wasn't sure, but he didn't think that was a good sign.

Oh well, he thought as he looked over his office. It's not like we didn't have plenty of good times in the past. At least there's that. It had been a good marriage, and he wasn't ready to give up quite yet. He loved Avery, just not the way he loved her when they were first married. She was the mother of his child, and he'd always love her for that reason alone.

He packed his bag with textbooks and other materials he'd need for the conference, wondering what kinds of people his lecture would draw in this year. The lecture was about a double murder in a garage, which would probably get a little, well, uncomfortable for some people. It was not uncommon for someone to vomit at one of his lectures; he was used to that by now. It actually amused him most of the time.

What he really wanted to see was some interested faces, not people who came just because they were getting extra credit for a class or because their boss made them come for extra training at work. More and more these days people were less and less interested in what he had to say. He still loved to give these lectures, but it was disheartening to see how apathetic some of his students were lately.

While he was getting his stuff ready, he heard Catherine's loud voice from down the hall. "Gil! I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!" He knew she'd found Harvey, and he chuckled to himself as he went to retrieve his prized spider from his incensed co-worker.

She stared at the pictures in front of her and wondered if she could look at just one more. She didn't want to. Instead, she just closed her eyes for a second, trying to think about something happy. The treehouse her dad made during his more sober moments. A stream she used to walk to when the voices were louder than usual. The applause in her ears as she walked across the stage when she graduated from Harvard.

While she was trying to find some kind of peace, her boss walked in and said, "Hey, Sara, what are you doing with those? We solved that case, didn't we? _You_ solved that case."

"I know, I know, I'm just trying to get some--"

"Closure. Sara, that's not really healthy. I know you don't like these domestic violence cases. Maybe I could put Diana or Robert--"

"No, Jack. I'm fine. It's fine. I'm glad we got the guy, I just wanted to make sure we got everything right. I don't want him going free on some kind of technicality."

Jack sighed. Sara had been this emotional about the cases since she'd been hired 2 years ago right out of grad school, but he was hoping she'd somehow get used to it, grow a thick skin like everyone else seemed to be able to do. She just took everything so personally, and sometimes it hurt just to look at her.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something," he started.

"Look, I know you think I'm too emotionally involved in these things, but I really think that actually helps me--"

"That's not what I wanted to talk to you about," Jack said. "First of all, I know it helps you. You've solved more cases than anyone else this year. We all know that, and we all respect you for it. But again, that's not what I wanted to say. You know how we were talking about that forensics seminar a couple of days ago?"

Sara rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I remember. The lecture Diane gets to go to because she's gone every year, blah blah blah."

"Well, I decided you should go," he said simply.

"What? What about Diane?"

"Like you said, she gets to go every year. But I don't think she really gets anything out of it, and I'm sure you will. You deserve it more, and I think you want to go more than her anyway."

Sara smiled. She did want to go to this week-long seminar, and she knew she wanted it a lot more than Diane ever would. The seminar sounded fascinating, and she loved to learn new things. Not to mention going to the Forensics Academy Conference was supposedly only awarded to top investigators. Diane had been the San Francisco lab's star for the past 15 years, but Sara was giving the woman a run for her money. The two of them did not get along.

"Well, thanks. I'd be honored to go," she said happily.

"I think you'll like it," Jack replied. "One of the lecturers is Dr. Gil Grissom. He's an entomologist, one of the very few in the country. As you know there's many different lectures going on, but I want you to go to his, which lasts the whole week. You'll learn a lot, I promise."

"Great. I'm looking forward to it."

"And you know the rule when you go to this thing, right?"

Sara frowned. "You don't want me to come in at all during this conference? But I have so many open cases. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that."

"You let me worry about that. Diane has never had a problem taking the week off, and I don't want to see you here for the week. I want you to have fun at this conference and learn a lot. And tell Dr. Grissom I said hello, we go way back."

Sara nodded. Her boss smiled at her and left her alone. She took one last look at the pictures, and closed her eyes again. _What the hell am I going to do for a week without work?_ The days weren't going to be a problem, but what would she do at night when the conference was over for the day? She didn't have many friends, and definitely not any family. Sara grew up an hour from San Francisco, but she didn't have anyone close to show for it.

She had no idea what she would do at night. Usually she stayed at work even after her shift was over, doing overtime or just reviewing old cases. Her job was her life, and she preferred it that way. It might be nice to actually get away from the lab for a little while. It still made her nervous, though. Because when it came down to it, Sara Sidle didn't know who she was without her work. 


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N - First of all, thank you so much for all the reviews, I really appreciate it. I had no idea if anyone would be interested in an AU fic at all, so it's nice to know that people like to read a little some different every now and then. Also thanks to GSFanatic, as always!**

**In A La Cart, Grissom and Sara talked a little about when they first met, and he says, "You had a ponytail." Besides that being seriously one of the most awesomest things Grissom's ever said, I think it also sheds some light on what his mind set would have been when he first met her. Now, what if he were MARRIED when he met her? Well, let's take a look and see...**

_1998_

When the blaring of her alarm rang in her ears, Sara woke up with a mixture of dread and excitement. She loved getting up and going to work, but even she could admit that it was nice to have the week off. There would be no dead bodies, no victims who needed her to speak for them this week. It would be a nice break, even though she still wasn't sure what she'd be doing with herself at night when the lectures were over. She could always catch up on her reading or something. _I am the most boring person ever,_ she thought sadly.

After taking a shower and then drying her hair, she decided not to straighten it and just put it in a ponytail. Who was she trying to impress? It was just a seminar, after all. She wasn't going to be there to mingle; she just wanted to learn more about her field.

Sara drove to the huge Moscone Center, where the seminar was being held, and proceeded to get lost for a solid hour. She was late to her first lecture. The mechanics of blood spatter was an interesting subject, but predictably, the lecturer was not the most exciting of speakers. Sara needed coffee, and she needed it bad.

It continued that way the rest of the day, until she finally found herself in Dr. Gil Grissom's classroom. One of the first to arrive, she settled into the front row, mainly out of habit. Once, in a rare moment of clarity, her father had a conversation with her about sitting in the front row at school, and how it was always better because the teacher would know she was serious about the class. It was a habit she'd never been able to break, and she did find that teachers took her a little more seriously than they did those who sat in the back.

And as soon as she saw the teacher of the lecture, she knew she made the right choice. He wasn't conventionally gorgeous or anything, but that was never who Sara fell for anyway. He was on the shorter side. He was reasonably in shape but also looked like he enjoyed a few cookies every now and then. She couldn't tell what color his eyes were, but she just knew they would be blue. She was a sucker for blue eyes. He looked very...capable, and yet still geeky enough to interest her. He was also wearing jeans, and Sara noted with some pleasure that the man made a pair of jeans look good.

When the lecture started, she tried to take notes and study him at the same time. That wasn't very easy, but she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of the man. He was charismatic and intelligent, and more than that, he was _excited._ He liked talking about forensics, and Sara liked listening to him talk about forensics.

While he was showing some pretty nasty slides of what insects can be found at the scene of a murder, he finally made eye contact with her for the first time. She couldn't help but smile. He smiled back without missing a beat in his lecture.

And when she noticed the ring on his finger, she thought to herself, _damn. The first man I've been attracted to in ages, and he's married._ It was a huge let down, and she wasn't even sure why. There was no evidence in the first place to make her think something could have happened between them, but now to know that nothing ever could, well, that was just plain disappointing. However, the way he was sneaking looks at her in the middle of his lecture...that was interesting. _Interesting indeed,_ she thought with a smile.

* * *

He noticed her right away. She was sitting in the front row, and she was the only person in the room that didn't look bored out of her mind. In his defense, he did warn the class that the first day might be a little dull. Truthfully, he always made the first day less interesting than the rest; it was his way of weeding out the ones who didn't care.

She cared. He could tell. She was taking notes, looking at him intently and nodding her head every now and then. It actually made him a little nervous, and it didn't help that she was completely gorgeous. In her tank top and jeans, she looked as casual as everyone else attending the seminar, but there was something about her. Maybe it was that adorable ponytail, he didn't know.

He told a joke, something about spiders walking into a bar, and she laughed. When she laughed, he noticed she had a little bit of a gap in her front teeth. He liked that. She wasn't perfect, and he liked that about her.

When the lecture was over for the day, he stuck around to answer lingering questions and clean up his mess. A few students asked questions; he could tell some of them were asking just so he'd know they paid at least some attention. He wasn't a big fan of that tactic, but he could appreciate it, so he answered all the questions as enthusiastically as he could.

Out of the corner of his eye, as he answered everyone else's questions, he saw her sitting at her desk, watching him intently. Again, he felt nervous and it was making him nervous that he was nervous. She was an attractive female; it wasn't like he'd never seen one of those before.

When the last student asked his last question, she walked up to him. She smiled, he smiled, and they were off.

"Hi, Dr. Grissom. My name's Sara Sidle, I work in the lab here in San Francisco. My boss, Jack, he told me to tell you he says hi. He said you go way back."

"Ah, Jack, yes," Grissom said. "I think we actually had a few classes in college together, so yes, "way back" is a good description."

Sara chuckled. "I have a couple of questions, do you have a second?"

"Of course," he said.

"You mentioned the body farm in your lecture. Is that a real place? I've heard about it before, but I thought it was too good to be true."

Grissom grinned. He said, "Oh, yes. Actually, they like it better when we refer to it as an "Anthropological Research Facility." Sounds less dangerous. It's run by the University of Tennessee, and it's actually quite a fascinating spectacle."

"I would love to see it some time," Sara said.

_And I'd love to take you there some time,_ Grissom thought before making himself picture his wife and daughter. It was getting harder by the second. Sara Sidle was a very interesting woman, and he made a mental note to call Jack Martin and thank him for bringing her into his life.

Sara kept asking questions. He had no idea how long they'd been standing there until he looked over at the clock on the wall and noticed the lecture ended an hour ago. Sara noticed him looking at the clock, so she looked at her watch.

"Oh, wow, I had no idea I've been going on for so long about anthropology! You must be sick of me by now."

"No, no, I enjoy answering questions. It's what I do. I'm good at it," he said.

"Okay, okay. Well, um, here's one last question: do you want to grab dinner or something tonight?"

Grissom didn't know quite what to say. He'd been asked to dinner plenty of times by plenty of females; it was par for the course for a young, moderately attractive teacher such as himself. He'd always politely decline dinner invitations, knowing that the students didn't exactly want to talk about bugs during dinner. But it was different this time. This time, he wanted to say yes. But before he could say anything, she had something to say.

"Dr. Grissom, don't worry, I see you have a ring on your finger. I just want to pick your brain about our field of work, if that's okay with you."

"Oh, yes, of course," he said, a little too fast. "That's fine. Shall I pick you up?"

"Sure." She looked through her purse, took out a stray receipt and wrote her phone number and address on it.

"Great. I guess I'll see you later then," he said.

She nodded, smiling, and walked out of the lecture hall. He didn't like to see her go, but he loved seeing her walk away.

* * *

Dinner went well. Grissom picked Sara up in his rental car, an ugly dirt-colored Ford Taurus that he made fun of at every opportunity. Sara suggested Greens Restaurant, a place she'd never been to but heard it had good vegetarian meals.

"Oh, you're a vegetarian?" Grissom asked her.

"Well, not strictly, but I'm considering it. I've been reading a lot about the treatment of livestock and other animals, and honestly, it's making me kind of crazy. But I still love a good cheeseburger, so I'm a little conflicted."

Grissom chuckled. Sara liked it when he chuckled.

"I love steak too much to be a vegetarian," he said. "But I'm sure this restaurant will have something I'll like, and it'll probably be better for me than steak anyway."

At the restaurant, their conversation flowed like the wine they drank. Sara kept trying to tell herself it wasn't a date, but it sure felt like one. So to relieve the tension, she just kept asking him questions. And to her delight, he always had an answer, and an intelligent one at that.

"Tell me, please," Sara said after she finished her third glass of wine. "I've been a CSI for 2 years, and I've noticed that it doesn't seem to get any easier. When I leave work for the day, it never ends there. I always think about the case that day, or the case 3 weeks ago or 5 months ago when I'm trying to go to bed. Does it get any easier? Do you ever stop thinking of them as people and start thinking of them as just a job?"

Grissom was quiet for a moment, considering the question.

"Yes and no. Yes, sometimes I show up at a crime scene, process, do what needs to be done and walk away and never think about it again. And sometimes it stays with me for no reason at all. I mean, it depends. It depends on how bad the crime was, who was involved, why it happened...after a while, I try to stop thinking about "why."

"Why?" Sara asked, and immediately felt less than smart.

"Because usually "why" doesn't matter. It happened. There was a reason it happened, but we're not there for the reason. We're there for the "who" and the "what" and usually the "how." "Why" is something else entirely."

"Hmm," Sara said thoughtfully. "What do you do when a case hits you particularly hard? How do you deal with that?"

"Go home to my family," Grissom said hesitantly. He felt strange mentioning Avery and Charlotte, but it wasn't like he was trying to hide them from Sara...not exactly, anyway. "My wife, she's a doctor and she's seen her share of horrible things happen to people. And my daughter, she used to think it was her personal responsibility to make me feel better. This was before she was a teenager of course, but she used to make me pancakes when I got home from work and tell me, "Daddy, it'll be okay. You're going to get the bad guy, you always do." And I never wanted to tell her that even if we did get the bad guy, the victim was still dead. Not much we could do about that."

Sara nodded, wondering about this family of his.

"What's your daughter's name?"

"Charlotte," he said.

Sara burst out laughing. Her laugh was so real, so genuine, and Gil couldn't help but find it completely endearing.

"You named her after the book, didn't you? _Charlotte's Web._ You named your daughter after a spider."

Gil smiled. "Can't get anything past you, can I? Yes, yes I did. My wife was horrified at first, but I managed to talk her into it.

Sara couldn't help but think if she'd been married to him and he suggested Charlotte for their child's name, she would think it was absolutely adorable. _Get it together,_ she scolded herself. _This is not going to happen._

They finished dinner, never running out of conversation, and he took her home.

"So I'll see you tomorrow," she said before she got out of the Taurus.

"I'll look for you in the front row," he said, smiling.

They shared a look that was about one second too long. They both looked away at the same time, and Sara rushed off to her apartment, anxious to leave the awkward moment behind, but also a little depressed that the night was over. She'd been on many dates over the years, and even though this wasn't meant to be a date, it was better than most of them combined.

When she looked at the clock, she was pleased to see that it was almost midnight. _ Well, at least I found something to do with my nights,_ she thought before she went to bed.

* * *

For the next 3 days, they had a routine. Sara would go to her lectures during the day and count the hours and minutes until she made it to Grissom's classroom. Once there, she would take notes and listen intently to what he was saying. Sometimes she'd look up from taking notes and see him looking at her, no, _staring_ at her. She would blush, and he'd look away, a slight grin forming on his lips.

Afterwards, they'd talk for a few minutes and then agree to meet for dinner later. Grissom didn't talk much about his wife during dinner, but sometimes Sara would ask questions merely out of curiosity. She wanted to know more about Avery, and she didn't exactly know why. This wasn't who she was.

And yet, on the last day of the lecture, after the last student asked Grissom their last question, she approached him cautiously.

"Hey," he said. "Where are we going tonight?"

She couldn't help but smile, which made saying what she was about to say a tiny bit easier.

"Well, I thought maybe you could come over and I could cook? I make awesome enchiladas. I'll even put steak in yours."

If he was surprised, he didn't act like it.

"Okay, yeah. That sounds good. I'll see you later."

They smiled nervously, and Sara made a quick exit before he could change his mind.

He watched her leave, wondering what was in store for them that evening. He knew they were dangerously close to crossing a line he never considered crossing before. His wife had been good to him over the years and the idea of an affair always seemed sort of frivolous. He didn't think he would be stupid enough to jeopardize a good marriage, even with someone like Sara, but she was breaking his resolve. Intrigued, that's what he was. Intriguing, that's what she was. The questions she asked and the way she asked him, her throaty laugh, the gap in her teeth, and most of all...the way she looked at him. Sara Sidle looked at him like she thought he knew all the answers. It made him feel like maybe he did.

* * *

Sara didn't know what she was doing. In theory, she was making dinner out of appreciation for the interesting lectures Dr. Gil Grissom had given during the week. But she wasn't standing in her kitchen making sauce for the enchiladas for any other of the other lecturers. Dr. Cook had been very thought-provoking all week with his lecture on questioned documents. She was fairly sure she could now spot a forged document if she had to, but she wasn't grateful enough to be making dinner for the man.

It was definitely not the smartest thing she'd ever done, but she no longer cared. He was leaving in less than 24 hours anyway, back to Las Vegas to be with his wife and daughter. She just wanted this one last night to talk to him, to see how his brain worked, to get his opinion on things she was curious about. Just one more night.

Gil showed up at 7:30 with a bottle of wine. _God, he looks good,_ was her first thought. _I really hope I don't do anything stupid,_ was her second thought.

"Hi," he said when she opened the door. "Do you need any help in the kitchen?"

"No, it's almost ready."

"Great," he said, and then neither of them could figure out what to say next. He sat awkwardly on her sofa and she went back to the kitchen to check on the enchiladas in the oven.

"Hey, do you mind if I turn on the TV until dinner's ready? JAG is on, and I'm really embarrassed to admit that I love that show, but I do. For some reason Charlotte loves it, and got me hooked on it, too," Grissom said.

Sara laughed and said, "Sure, I like it, too."

He turned on the TV and watched his show while Sara finished with dinner. They kept the TV on while they ate, and that made it easier to forget there was something in the air, something they were both trying their hardest to ignore.

After drinking a bottle of wine, and starting on a second bottle of wine Sara had stored in the refrigerator for a "special occasion," things got interesting as both of them knew it eventually would.

After they cleaned the kitchen and settled back down on the sofa, sitting way too close together, Sara said, "You know, before I came to your lecture, I heard you were a little bit of a dull speaker. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised."

"Really?" He asked curiously. "Who told you I was dull?"

Sara chuckled. "My co-worker Diane. She's been coming to this seminar for years and I think it pissed her off a little that I came this year instead."

"Oh, yeah," Gil said. "Diane from San Francisco. I think she's more pissed about the fact she came onto me a few years ago and I pretty much just blew her off."

"Oh, dear. How do you know she was coming onto you?"

"Well, I'd say I figured it out once she stuck her hand down my pants."

Sara laughed and laughed, and Gil couldn't help but watch her. He loved the way she laughed. He wanted to make her laugh all the time.

"Wow. I can't say that surprises me. Diana is quite aggressive when she wants to be."

Grissom nodded in agreement, watching her closely. Something needed to happen here. Somebody needed to say something. He was not going to be able to leave this woman without something happening.

Sara took another sip of wine and tried to think of something else to say. There were things she needed to say, but couldn't. This was not going to end well.

Grissom moved closer to her, and to her surprise, moved his hand through her curly ponytail.

"I like this. I like your hair," he all but whispered. She closed her eyes. He moved his hand down.

"I like your neck. I like your arms. I like...you know what I like," he muttered.

She looked at him, and he liked what he saw in her eyes. Forgetting everything about what he knew was right, he kissed her. Softly at first, so soft they barely made contact. But when she moaned, he had to kiss her again, and again, and more after that. He ran his fingers through her hair while he kissed her, wanting her to feel everything he was feeling. He wanted her to know. He wanted her to understand. He wanted her.

It had been a long time since he kissed anyone with that much passion. He and Avery used to kiss like that when they first fell in love, but it hadn't been that sensual in many years, since before Charlotte was born.

As for Sara, she'd been kissed plenty of times before, but this was something else entirely. This was not a kiss, this was passion. This was an exchange of some kind, a promise of what could have been if things were different. And even though she was enjoying the moment, she knew when it ended, it would be over. Forever.

Sara knew somebody was going to have to end this before things got even more out of hand. And she had to do it soon, because if she didn't, her bedroom was very close by, and they were going to end up there fast.

"Grissom...Gil...we can't. You know we can't," she said, pulling away from him.

"Yeah, I know. I know that, and I'm sorry. It's just..." He looked away from her, ashamed and frustrated.

Sara smiled sadly. "I know." She kissed his forehead and said again, "I know."

He matched her smile and reached over to grab her hand.

"You are incredible, and I never want you to doubt that. You have changed something in me. I don't know what it is, but something is different. And there is no way I'm going to forget about that."

Sara didn't know what to say, so she got up from the sofa, taking his hand. She walked him out to his car, looking with pleasure at the full moon in the hazy sky.

"Look at that," she said. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yes," he said, looking at her. "It is."

The thing was, he'd been noticing beauty all around him lately, ever since Sara told him the butterflies he used for an example in his lecture on the second day were beautiful. He noticed that she saw the beauty in things, and it made him see things he'd never noticed before.

"We'll keep in touch, okay?" He said. "I'll email you. I was totally clueless about how to do that, but my daughter just rolled her eyes and showed me how to do it."

Sara laughed halfheartedly. "Okay, I'll look forward to your emails, then."

He couldn't help it. He kissed her again. She sunk into him, kissing him back, biting his lip ever so slightly, enough to make him curious about how passionate she would be if they were in her bedroom right now.

"Bye, Griss," she said after she managed to pull away from him again. "I have to say 'bye' because if I don't, I'm going to drag you into the backseat and do things we'll both regret."

"Ain't that the truth," he said, grinning in a way that made her sick to her stomach. _ I want that grin. I want that grin every day of my life. _

He smiled at her one last time, got in his car and drove away. Sara watched until she couldn't see the soft glow of his taillights anymore. She went back inside, wondering if she just let go of the man she was supposed to be with. It was too heartbreaking to think about.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N - I'm not asking too much of you for this chapter, just, oh, that you forget everything that happened for 7 years on the show and stuff. But that's what AU is all about, right?! Good times.**

Thanks to my beta GSFanatic, 'cause she's got the beta skillz. Also: our geeks are engaged. We all know that, but it's worth saying again. happy sigh

_2007_

Overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed, that was what Gil Grissom was. He liked things a certain way, and now, like it or not, everything was about to change. Things were already different after his divorce, but that was just his personal life. His personal life, he could handle. Now change was coming to the lab, and it wasn't the good kind of change.

The team spent 9 months chasing the miniature killer; carefully plotting, obsessively looking over every detail of the miniatures. They all thought Ernie Dell was the man responsible, but when Grissom received another miniature in the mail after Ernie's death, he was proven wrong. And now a member of the team was dead, and he couldn't help but feel somewhat to blame for it. He knew when Jim assigned Holly to the case there would be trouble. He should have told Jim that the case was much more complicated than what Holly could handle and to have Catherine or Nick do it instead. But ever since Jim started dating Holly's mother, it was hard to tell him anything about Holly. If Jim didn't have stars in his eyes, he would have noticed that Holly started to be much less efficient than the rest of the team. She was a good investigator, but she didn't have the strength, the heart, the courage everyone else did. And now that she was gone, there was nothing anyone could do except turn back time and fix everything.

Things had gotten so mangled in this department, and now that he was supervisor, he was going to fix things. He had no choice--Jim had been demoted to homicide, where he got his start in law enforcement, and now Grissom was in charge of Graveyard. Catherine was still on Graveyard, but Warrick was finally sent to Swing shift, and it was about time. He and Catherine were practically married, of all things, and the fact nobody said anything about it before was a true sign of how complicated everything had gotten.

Only Natalie Davis could have known why she took Holly and let her die in the desert under a red Mustang, and she wasn't talking. When her apartment was searched, there were clues that indicated she thought Holly was the reason Ernie killed himself. Clearly there was only room for one woman in Ernie's life, and Natalie felt that by Holly questioning Ernie, by getting to know him even in the most basic of ways when she was questioning him about the case, Holly had crossed some line that Natalie only knew about it in her sick and twisted mind.

Doc Robbins did the autopsy, and he said she died only an hour or two before they found her in the desert. Between the torrents of rain the night before and the burning heat of the next day, she never really had a chance, but still everyone blamed themselves. Everyone knew they could have worked harder and gotten to the desert quicker to save her. But what nobody said was that they weren't surprised. Nobody said it, but they all knew: Holly Gribbs was not a survivor. They all wanted her to be, but in the end, she wasn't.

At Holly's funeral, her mother broke down and sobbed in the way only a parent who's lost a child could. Jim tried to comfort her, but eventually he had to escort her away from Holly's coffin. He told Grissom later that he'd probably be taking some time off, because his life was more than just him now. It was Jim, and it was Jane, and he had to do what was best for her because that's what his life was now. And he seemed happy about that.

At that moment, Grissom thought of his ex-wife, and how he hadn't felt that way about Avery in a long time. And when he thought of the person who he could imagine feeling that way about, as always, he pictured Sara Sidle. He hadn't seen her in nearly a decade, but he never forgot. She was too memorable for that.

* * *

Grissom stared at the computer screen, knowing he was about to write the most important email of his life. He knew he should probably call her instead, but they rarely talked on the phone anymore. Email was much more convenient. Plus, if he didn't talk to her on the phone, he wouldn't hear her voice and a flood of memories wouldn't come rushing at him all at once, yet again. It was just easier that way. He was pretty sure she understood.

There was a knock on the door, and Catherine strolled in without waiting for an answer, as usual. The only thing different about it now was that he was in a much bigger office than before. He brought in a lot of interesting insects from home to decorate his new office, and most people, upon first glance, would look at him, then at all the spiders and pig fetuses and other strange species, and then back at him, like he was the biggest freak in the world. It actually gave him great pleasure.

"What are you up to?" Catherine asked him, sitting in a chair in front of his desk. She picked up the nameplate on his desk, touching the words as if she didn't really believe them. "Gil Grissom, supervisor. I never thought the day would come."

Gil sighed. Not this crap again.

"We've been over this," he said in warning. He did not want to have this conversation again.

"God, Gil, I know, but I still don't get it. So what if Warrick and I hid our relationship? I'm not his supervisor, it's no big deal. You suck with office politics, everyone knows that. I just think I would have been a more logical choice for the position."

"I know you think that," he said, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. "And I'm sorry it happened this way. And you didn't just hide your relationship, you hid it for 2 years. And you would have kept hiding it even if you did become supervisor, and you know that. So let's move on with our lives and think of other interesting things to say to each other."

Catherine nodded.

"Fair enough. I guess I'm wondering who you're going to bring in to replace Holly. And you know you need to do it fast because without Warrick, cases are piling up."

"Yes, I have noticed that, thank you," he replied. "I have a few people in mind, I'll let you know who I decide on."

Catherine studied him closely. He was used to her studying him; she knew it made him nervous and more apt to spill his guts. It worked 75 of time.

"Come on, just tell me. You know I'll get it out of you one way or another."

He sighed and gave in.

"I'm thinking about bringing in Sara Sidle to give us a hand."

"Sara Sidle?" Catherine repeated.

Grissom nodded. "She's a CSI out of San Francisco. She's a friend of mine, someone I trust. It would be temporary, she'd help us out while we hire and train new people. I think it's a good idea."

"You've mentioned her before, I think. Is that who you're always writing emails to?"

"How do you know I'm writing emails to anybody, Catherine?"

She shrugged, her face not giving anything away.

"I have to ask. Does, or _did,_ Avery know about this Sara?"

God, she had some nerve.

"That's a little bit out of line, don't you think?" And the answer was yes, she did know about "this Sara," but that was not a conversation Grissom was going to have with Catherine, nor with anyone else for that matter.

"Sorry, Gil. I'm sorry, things have just been so shitty around here lately and I've turned into some bitchy kind of monster. Warrick wouldn't even go over the wedding invitations with me yesterday because I was being such a bitch." She sighed before she even realized what she said.

"Um, what?"

"Oh, yeah. There's...there's going to be a wedding. It's going to be small, probably in November or December. Um...yeah."

"Congratulations," he said, meaning it.

"Thanks," she said, grinning. And then she frowned.

"I convinced Holly to stay her first day, remember? I told her to stick around until she caught her first bad guy. I was so proud when she shot that guy on her first night as a CSI, man was I proud. She had the makings of a good cop, Gil."

"Yes, she did," he said. "I think we failed her. I think we never gave her a good enough chance, and she had to pay for that."

Catherine nodded. "I think there's some truth to that. I think we all got caught up in personal things, and we let her down."

The two of them were quiet until her cell phone rang a few moments later. She smiled when she looked at the caller ID.

"Hey, baby," she said, walking out of Grissom's office. He was glad she spared him the phone call. He was happy Warrick and Catherine had each other, but he never wanted to know all the details.

He turned his attention back to his computer. He and Sara used to email back and forth quite regularly, but now only sent emails every couple of months. He wasn't surprised; it had been 9 years after all. And while the topics of their emails sometimes got interesting, they never really talked about what happened the night before he left San Francisco. He always wanted to. He wanted to write, _hey, remember when we had this amazing kiss that I still think about every night before I go to bed? Yeah, that was cool, wasn't it? _

When he left San Francisco, when he left her, he didn't want to think about it more than he had to. He didn't want to think there was someone else other than his wife that he could have such strong feelings for. And after a full year, he surrendered to the fact he wasn't going to forget about her. It was just a part of his daily routine now. Wake up, shower, shave, think about Sara, go to work, take some pictures of dead bodies, think about Sara, feed his spiders, do some paperwork, think about Sara. Without even knowing it, she became so ingrained in his thoughts that he couldn't imagine what it would be like if she wasn't in them. It was ridiculous and yet he couldn't let it go.

His divorce had nothing to do with Sara, or so he would like to believe. By the time the divorce was final, he knew Sara was already engaged. There had never been a right place at the right time, and while this troubled him, it suited him just fine. Because when it came down to it, he had no idea what he would do if he ever had her all to himself.

* * *

There was no reason to believe Sara would come to Vegas at all. In fact, he frankly didn't know why he was even going to bother asking. She was married and had a very good job at the San Francisco Crime Lab. Why would she want to leave that? He had no idea, but he was going to ask anyway.

And there was something else. Something he didn't particularly want to admit to anyone. Catherine had been right--he WAS bad at office politics and had no interest in participating in them. Being a supervisor wasn't something he ever wanted. And in the back of his mind, he was already formulating a plan. He wanted Sara to come in, and he wanted her to take over as a supervisor. He wanted out. He wanted to retire and play with bugs all day. This whole dead body thing had gotten to him a long time ago, and he wanted out.

_It's now or never,_ he thought. So he started typing. And before he could change his mind, he pressed "send."

_Sara,_

You've probably heard about what happened here at the lab. The miniature killer wreaked havoc on the lab, and after 9 months of chasing this person we've come to know as Natalie Dell, we lost a good CSI, Holly Gribbs. Now Jim has been demoted and I've been promoted, can you believe that? Things have been crazy around here for a few years and the lab badly needs better leadership. Too bad they picked me.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm about to ask you this, but here it is: we need a seasoned professional, someone who's seen it all. We need someone to come in and help me take charge of the troops. I can't do this by myself, Sara, and I've found myself doing some soul searching to figure out who I should ask. I decided to ask you to come to Vegas, just for a few months, to bring the team back together again. Granted, I've never seen you in action, but from the tone of your emails and the brief time I had to get to know you in person, I know you're a take-charge kind of lady, and we need that right now. Okay, honestly, **I** need that right now. God, Sara, I just have so many unanswered whys, and I wish someone could help me answer them.

Like I said, it would be temporary while we find new people to train. I realize what I'm asking here and I know you would be doing me a favor, so don't feel obligated in any way.

Think about it, please, and let me know. I'll be waiting for your answer.

- Grissom

It only took 2 hours for her to reply.

_Grissom -_

I would love to. When? How long? Call me with the details.

- Sara

Smiling, he picked up his phone and called her number. A week later, she was in Vegas, and everything was different.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N - Thanks for all the reviews and stuff, I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. Thanks to GSFanatic, Academy Award winning beta.**

Sara walked down the halls of the lab she knew so well, making sure to wipe the crust out of her eyes just to make sure she looked presentable. When she got to the break room, she poured herself another cup of coffee. It was going to be a long day, and she knew this would not be her last cup.

Diane walked into the break room and eyed Sara suspiciously. Diane was always eyeing Sara suspiciously for reasons Sara was never privy to. It was a good thing she couldn't care less, or it might have driven her crazy. The older woman was not her favorite co-worker and she was quite happy when Diane took the position of supervisor for the Graveyard shift. Diane did many things to annoy her on a daily basis, but her worst offense was NEVER refilling the coffee when she took the last of it from the pot. Sara didn't understood how someone could be so thoughtless.

"So Jack says you have a hot lead on the nightclub murder. Who do you like for it? I thought the owner's wife was good for it. She was sleeping with the his brother, you know. And sister."

That was another thing Sara didn't like about Diane - she treated her job like it was a way to learn all the latest gossip. Still, she was an excellent investigator, and Sara wouldn't begrudge her that.

"Actually, I think it was the owner's sister. And not because she was sleeping with her brother's wife, but because her brother was blackmailing her about being a lesbian and their parents would disown her if they found out."

Diane nodded. "Enough for a motive. Sounds good."

They drank their coffee in silence, finally. Sara was not good with the small talk.

A few minutes of peaceful silence later, Robert came bounding through the break room, whistling and smiling. Sara was awfully fond of her husband, but found him extremely annoying in the morning. She thought it was fascinating how he didn't even drink coffee. How did the man function?

"Hi, babe," he said, giving her a peck on the lips. "Ready to start the day?"

She just stared at him. He laughed.

"I know, I know, not a morning person. I'll see you later, I have some errands to run before I fall into bed." He kissed her again, and then he was gone. He was always doing that, coming in and out of rooms with no real purpose.

Robert was on Graveyard, and Sara was, too, until they started dating and both decided to come clean right away. Jack, the supervisor of the Day shift, agreed to let Sara join since they'd been so forthcoming about the relationship. That had been nearly 4 years ago, but Sara never quite got used to the early mornings.

Sara loved Robert, but she was never sure if she liked him all that much. Getting together had more to do with convenience than anything else, which they never acknowledged but still understood. They both lived for their jobs and had practically no social life to speak of, and that made having a relationship quite easy. Even with such different schedules, they still managed to make it work.

Robert had been very persistent in the courting process, but Sara resisted for a long time. When she realized that she'd been waiting for an email from Gil Grissom that said, _drop everything, I need you, you're all I can think about_ for almost 5 years, she decided that was pathetic and she couldn't wait any longer. The man was married, and so what if they shared a nice evening together once upon a time? Still, she thought of his kiss. The first kiss, and the second kiss, and how she never wanted to stop kissing him. Sometimes she wished she never let the kiss happen in the first place. And sometimes she wished they hadn't stopped at kissing.

But that was ancient history, so she told herself the next time Robert asked her out, she would say yes. And he did, 2 days later as a matter of fact, while they were at a particularly gruesome crime scene.

"You know, if we were dating, we could go home together," he said while he took pictures of the scene. "We could take about our day over a glass of wine, and I could rub your feet and listen while you talk about how horrible this murder was. And we can eat veggie burgers and ice cream and then make love, and go to bed satisfied."

She stared at him when he said that, because she pictured just that a thousand times in her head. Only it wasn't with Robert.

"Okay," she said. "Sounds good."

He looked startled, and she laughed.

"Was it because of the feet? I knew you were a foot massage kind of girl," he said, grinning.

And after the shift, they went back to her apartment where he rubbed her feet. She didn't have the heart to tell him how bad he was at foot massage, that it felt like he was trying to scrape her skin off or pehaps even break the bones of her foot.

As the relationship continued and all the natural mating rituals took place, she would think about the foot massage and how it seemed to define their relationship. In theory, it was a good idea, but in practice, it never felt like it should.

* * *

  
After Robert went on his merry way, Diane turned the TV on in the break room to the morning news.  
"Hey, did you hear they finally caught that miniature killer person in Vegas? It turned out to be a woman, can you imagine?" Diane asked, sipping her coffee.

"Yeah, I heard," Sara said, thinking about how Grissom must be feeling. "Natalie Davis. She was a foster kid."

Grissom hadn't emailed her lately, but she'd been following the story on the news. She flinched when the reporter mentioned Natalie had taken Holly, who didn't make it in the desert. In his emails, Grissom sometimes mentioned Holly, and how he didn't think she was pulling her weight in the lab. She knew he'd been frustrated by that situation, and now she knew he'd be blaming for himself for what happened. That was just the way he was.

Sara left the break room and walked to her tiny, cubicle-like office. She sat down and turned her computer on, expecting to email Grissom and instead smiling when she saw she already had one from him. And then her jaw dropped once she saw what he had written.

Sara read the email again. And again. And 5 more times. And then she sighed, because life was a bitch.

Closing her eyes, she considered the question. Could she come to Vegas and work for him? Probably. _Should she?_ Most definitely not, but that never stopped her before. Should she have punched Larry Rodgers in the face when she was in eleventh grade? Probably not, but he had the nerve to make a wisecrack about her mother, so she showed him what she thought about it. That got her suspended for a week. Her foster parents were none too happy about that, either.

She chuckled and shook her head. It didn't matter how long she considered it. It didn't matter how many rationalizations she came up with. And while it should have mattered what her husband thought, it didn't. At the end of the day, she was going to say yes.

Why? Because a long time ago, she resigned herself to the fact that she would never get Gil Grissom out of her head, and there was nothing she could do about it now.

* * *

  
After she wrote Gil back, her phone rang approximately 18 seconds later. Smiling, she picked it up. They exchanged pleasantries, and she tried not to think about how nice it was to hear his voice again.  
"I know this is a lot to ask of you, Sara," he said. "But I couldn't think of anyone else capable enough to handle things in the number 2 lab in the country."

"It'll be nice to have a break, actually," she said, not able to stop smiling. "And I've always wanted to see Vegas in the summer."

Grissom chuckled. "It's hot as hell. Are you sure you're ready for it?" There was a hint of flirtatiousness in his voice that he wasn't trying too hard to disguise.

She thought about that before she responded. _Was_ she ready for it? Was she ready to ditch everything she knew here to follow someone she met briefly 10 years ago?

"Ready as I'll ever be," she said breathlessly.

"Good," he said. "I'm glad."

It sounded like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. So she filled the silence.by saying, "I'm so sorry about Holly. I've been following it in the news, and my heart broke when they said she was dead."

"It's definitely not something we're dealing with well," he said, fatigue clear in his voice. "She was a part of us, and we're trying to do the best we can without her, but we really need someone to rally the troops."

"I'll do my best," she said softly. He sounded so tired, so...beaten. It saddened her to hear how broken he was.

"That's all I ask," he said. "Sara...I'm glad you're coming. Thank you. We need you."

She nodded, and then after realizing he couldn't see that, said, "I'm glad, too. I'll see you soon."

They hung up shortly after that, and Sara wondered how she was ever going to explain this to her husband. _Very carefully,_ she thought to herself.

* * *

  
The day was, in fact, quite long. Sara and Connie Jefferies, a detective for the San Francisco P.D., questioned the nightclub owner's sister. Connie knew her way around a suspect and it didn't take long for the sister to confess. However, she mentioned a partner but would not say who it was, so Sara spent the rest of the day trying to figure out who this mysterious partner was. After that, she had to talk to Jack about taking a leave of absence, which she had not been looking forward to.  
"Actually, Gil Grissom called me yesterday and asked if it would be okay, and I said it would be," Jack said. "I think you could use a challenge, Sara, and the Vegas lab is a good one. Plus, they really could use someone like you after what happened over there."

Sara nodded. "I only hope I can help bring some peace to them."

"But keep in mind, Sara, I'm retiring in 6 months. Somebody needs to be supervisor, and I was hoping it would be you."

Sara smiled. She always liked Jack.

"Oh, yes. I will definitely be back by then. I really appreciate how much faith you have in me."

"You earned it," he said.

They worked out the details of her leave, and it was much easier than Sara thought it would be. Now it was time to go home and talk to Robert, which she knew was not going to be fun.

When she got home, he was sitting on the sofa watching basketball with Sniffy, their very hungry and very fat cat. Sara liked Sniffy, but she'd always been more of a dog person.

"Hi, Honey," she said, giving him a kiss. "What's happening?"

"Basketball game," he said. He looked at her like she was insane for not knowing this.

Basketball was Robert's passion, which bored Sara to tears. And actually, on paper, they were both quite similar. Robert had majored in physics, too, and sometimes liked to engage her in a good physics debate. It had been fun at first, but sometimes she longed to talk to him about something other than science, body counts and basketball.

"Oh, well, that's nice. I do need to talk to you, though. It's actually important."

He rolled his eyes. He couldn't stand when she said basketball wasn't important. However, he still muted the TV and gave her his full attention.

"Thanks. Okay, well...I'll just go ahead and say it. You heard about the serial killer in Vegas, right?"

"Yeah, it was some chick, right? Nell or something."

"Right," she said, not feeling like correcting him. "Well, she took one of the Vegas CSIs and left her for dead in the desert. That CSI, her name was Holly Gribbs and she worked for Grissom." She saw the look on Robert's face when she said Grissom's name, so she talked faster.

"The team isn't doing so well right now and they need someone to help out for a while. It's only temporary, maybe a few months. I said yes. I leave in a few days." She thought it might go over better if she said it all at once.

Robert just chuckled.

"Interesting," he said.

"Robert, I--"

"You'd think I'd be surprised, right? That my wife is leaving for who knows how long? Well, actually, I'm not."

Sara didn't say anything. She knew he wasn't surprised. He was never surprised when Grissom was involved.

"He tells you to jump, and you say how high. I get that, and that's okay. You know why? We're married, Sara. That man may have some kind of spell on you, but I'm MARRIED to you."

"I'm not going to have some torrid affair with Grissom," she said, trying not to raise her voice. "I'm going because they need me there. This isn't about him, it's about his team."

It was mostly true. She wasn't going for intentions of having an affair, but it was a lie that it wasn't about him. Of course it was about Grissom. She knew it, Robert knew it, and probably even Grissom himself knew it.

"I always knew it would go down this way. You go, Sara. You do what you have to do. I'll be here when you get back, you know why? Because you WILL be back. If that man wanted you, he'd have you by now."

What hurt the most was that he was right. But a few days later, she still found herself packing all her belongings into her car and driving to Las Vegas. Why? Because a long time ago, she resigned herself to the fact that she would never get Gil Grissom out of her head, and there was nothing she could do about it now. 


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N - Thanks again for all the feedback, and I'd like to add that I do love me some concrit. If you have any suggestions or what not as to how I can make this better at all, I would love to hear them. Seriously! I am not lying.**

**Other than that, I hope you enjoy the chapter. GSFanatic is the beta, she deserves a nice potata.**

**Oh, and also, I'm participating in Nanowrimo this month like a lot of the other crazy fanfic authors out there. That doesn't mean I'm not going to work on this story at all this month, but it does mean updates might not be exactly frequent. But it's my AU fanfic baby, so don't worry, I won't be giving up on it.**

Grissom didn't understand.

"I don't understand," he told Nick. "I don't get it. Explain to me again what happened?"

Nick looked around Grissom's office, wondering if he started up a conversation about one of the spiders or the fetal pig or...something that was contained within it, he could escape having to tell his boss what just happened.

"Okay, well, I was at the scene, right? I was doing my thing, being the thorough investigator I always am, and, well, I was distracted."

"Yes, you mentioned that," Grissom said wearily. "And?"

"And..." Nick started, "Well, the scene was at a bar. And the TV was still on. And before I knew what I was doing, I was watching the Texas game and someone stole my camera and now we're pretty much screwed on the evidence." He said all of this very, very quickly.

"The Texas game?" Grissom asked.

"Texas versus A&M. They're rivals, man! It's the biggest game of the year!"

Grissom rubbed his temples. "But football isn't..."

"It was a classic game. From a few years ago. They were showing it on ESPN Classic, and, well..."

"So you had, in fact, already seen this game? And you still abandoned evidence to watch it?"

Nick nodded guiltily.

"Nick, I don't even know where to start. I'm pretty sure there will need to be disciplinary action, but..." He shrugged. He literally had no idea what to do with his employee. He felt like calling Brass and asking him what to do. But Brass had other things to worry about, like his new role in Homicide and taking care of Jane in the wake of Holly's death.

"Just get out of here," he said instead. "I'll figure it out. For now, go back to the scene or something. Just get out of here."

Nick gratefully jumped out of his seat and sprinted out of the room. Grissom was not a fan of this supervisor bullshit. It was much easier to watch someone else do it. Plus, all his people were making stupid rookie mistakes. When had Nick ever done anything as dumb as abandoning a scene to watch a football game? He had no idea how to do this job, and more than that, he didn't want to do this job.

He was knee-deep in paperwork when he heard a knock on the door. He didn't look up as he said, "Come in."

A voice said, "Good to see you too, Griss."

He smiled at his paperwork.

"I don't even have to look up. Sara Sidle."

"It's me," she said, and then he looked up.

She was everything he remembered her to be, and more. Everything, every second he spent with her almost a decade ago, every email they ever sent, every phone conversation they ever had...it all came back to hit him like a fire truck between the eyes.

It took him a few seconds to find his manners. "Please, please, come in. Sit down. It's so nice to see you. We're all so grateful that you're here."

He wondered if a hug would be necessary at this moment, but it didn't seem like the situation called for it, so he remained seated. They looked carefully at each other, studying, taking in the years of separation.

Finally, Sara said, "I'm so glad to finally be here. All the traffic around here, it's a wonder how people get around at all in this town."

"Welcome to Vegas," Grissom said. "It's the city that literally never sleeps. How was the drive?"

"Not bad. I made it here in about 8 hours. And that was without stopping. I never had to go to the bathroom so badly in my life."

They grinned awkwardly at each other.

"Well, okay. Let me show you around the lab. I'll make sure to point out where all the bathrooms are."

Before leaving the office, he turned around and almost ran into her.

"I forgot to do this," he said, and he hugged her. It took both of them by surprise.

"Thank you again for coming," he said, not wanting to end the hug. The way she held onto him made him think she felt the same. "We're just a mess around here right now."

"It's my pleasure, Griss. Really. I want to help, so tell me how I can."

They finally broke apart and grinned at each other.

"Come on, let me introduce you to some people. It'll be fun. We like fresh blood."

* * *

Catherine watched as Grissom introduced Sara to the group. He was smiling as he made the introductions. Sara smiled graciously as she shook her new coworker's hands. Catherine found it interesting how suddenly Gil had life back in him again. With Avery leaving him, with all the stress of the miniature killer this past year, with Holly's death, with a new role as supervisor, he'd been looking so very tired lately. And now this Sara, whoever the hell she was, gave him this fascinating look of happiness on his once tired face.

She watched from afar while Gil introduced Nick to Sara. Nick smiled at Sara happily. Then he noticed her wedding ring and frowned. Then he caught himself frowning and smiled again, warm and welcoming to the new girl on the scene.

If Nick smiled when he saw Sara, Greg positively _glowed._ Sara seemed to take a liking to him as well because they were laughing about something within minutes of meeting each other. Catherine was happy about this. Maybe Greg could start bugging Sara instead of her about taking him out in the field now. Catherine knew he wanted to be a real CSI, but nobody ever had the time to teach him, and more than that, nobody cared enough to take the time. She hoped Sara would maybe mentor him a little. Maybe she'd talk to her about that.

Warrick was still out working a scene, but Catherine would tell him all about it later. He always laughed and laughed and laughed when she told him about all the latest gossip. "My very own gossip queen," he'd call her, and they'd laugh about it together.

She wondered about Sara. She knew Avery wondered about Sara, too. Unbeknownst to Gil, Catherine and Avery had dinner together about once a month. They'd been doing that together for nearly 15 years now, and although Catherine knew gossip was completely childish, she and Avery still talked shit about everyone they knew for an hour every month.

Catherine thought about the first time Avery told her about this person Gil met in San Francisco. It must have been almost 10 years ago. The first time she talked about Sara, she wasn't exactly worried about this student that seemed to catch Gil's attention. After all, this woman did live in California, and according to Gil, had a very stable job at the lab in San Francisco. But over the years, Avery would tell her about an email she "happened" to see from Sara to Gil, or the phone call she "happened" to overhear. Catherine always told her she had nothing to be concerned about; Gil Grissom loved his wife and didn't have it in him to have an affair.

Although now, as she watched the man she thought she knew everything about, she had to wonder what was really going on. The lab had enough to worry about. Were they going to have to watch these two discover their feelings for each other, or were the feelings already known?

Sighing, she picked up her cell and called Avery.

"You'll never believe who Gil just hired," she told her friend.

* * *

At first, Sara had a hard time with her new schedule, and this new place, and her new coworkers. It had been a long time since she worked Graveyard, and she'd forgotten how weird the hours were. As for Las Vegas, it was always so goddamn hot she could barely stand it. It was no wonder there was so much crime; people were going crazy from the ridiculous heat.

And her coworkers, well, she liked them just fine. Nicky was adorable, the lab techs always made her giggle, Catherine had been extremely cold to her at first but warmed up once Sara turned on the charm. Detective Brass seemed a little bitter that he was now back in Homicide after all these years, but she liked him. She liked his snarky personality and loved watching him grill suspects. He had a way with words, that Detective Brass.

And then there was Grissom. When she first got to the lab after her long drive from San Francisco, she couldn't help but notice how _old_ he looked. And it wasn't just age that made him look that way. 9 years ago, he'd been vibrant and charismatic and intriguing, but she could tell the years hadn't been kind to him. He just looked so beaten, and she wished there was something she could do to give him the spark back.

But that was not her first thought upon seeing him again for the first time. Her first thought was something along the lines of, _thank God. Thank God we're finally in the same room again._ Because she'd missed him. Because he was nothing like her husband. Because in the past way too many years, in her mind she made him out to be someone he could perhaps never live up to. But none of that really mattered, because her second thought was, _oh, damn._ Because she just remembered that she was in love with a man who was not her husband.

* * *

Her first couple of weeks went by fast, and she enjoyed the work. The crime scenes were so different in Vegas, and yet completely the same. A dead body was a dead body no matter where you were, and it didn't matter if the body had breast implants or not, it was still a crime scene and she still knew what she had to do.

Catherine told her about Greg wanting to get out in the field more, so when Greg could find someone to cover for him, Sara would take him to her scene. He wasn't exactly a natural, but she never had the chance to mentor anyone and was happy to teach him the basics.

Grissom thanked her for letting Greg tag along. "He's wanted to be a CSI for years, and nobody really gave him the opportunity. We're just so grateful that you're doing this for him.

Sara asked gently, "Why do you think it is that nobody gave him the opportunity? He seems so eager and anxious, I would think it may be a breath of fresh air to have him along."

Grissom nodded. "We all like having Greg around, but there was just no time. And truthfully, a lot of us needed the extra time to make sure Holly knew what she was doing. She was good, don't get me wrong, but she was always better when it came to procedures and paperwork and the administrative end of things. Investigating was not for her, but none of us had the heart to tell her that."

Sara nodded, feeling sorry for the girl. She knew a few people like her; the people who thought that seeing dead bodies on a daily basis should have been easy but never was. What they didn't know, what they never figured out, was that it wasn't supposed to be easy. You were supposed to figure out a way to block it out when you leave the lab. Sara's way of dealing with it was solving the case. The cases she wasn't able to solve, and there were a few more than she would have liked, still haunted her on a near daily basis. She once asked Robert if he dealt with it the same way and he nearly laughed at her.

"No way," he'd said. "When I leave, I leave. If you let one in, they all come in. I don't need that on my conscience."

That was another thing. She did not miss her husband, not even a little bit. She called him every night and they were polite and civil to each other, but she could tell he didn't miss her, either. The break was nice, she had to admit. Even being on different shifts at the lab, they still saw each other more than other couples did, and to have a few months away from that would be nice for the relationship.

Things with Grissom were...interesting. She noticed that he rarely assigned himself to work with her, which she found odd. After she'd been there a few weeks, they hired someone fresh out of college, Charles "Chuck" Connor. Sara knew it was her responsibility to help train the new people, but she thought Grissom would be there to help along the way. instead, he kept his distance. She felt like once she got to Nevada, they'd have dinner sometimes, catch up on what they missed over the years, but he always had an excuse when she approached him about it.

Sometimes, on the rare occasion that they did work together, she'd catch him glancing at her. Sometimes she'd even catch him looking at her wedding ring with a look of disapproval in his eyes. She cultivated a theory after a while; a theory that he kept his distance because he had to. She was married, and there was nothing that could happen between them.

The thought kept her sane most of the time. But when she'd come in his office to give him updates about Greg or Chuck or a case, and they'd talk like old friends, and she would notice how blue his eyes were on a particular day, she would think one forbidden thought, which she would quickly try to forget because it just wasn't right. She couldn't help but wonder if marriage was really stopping him. After all, he did kiss her when he was married. As hard as she tried, she could never forget about "the kiss." She still had dreams about that kiss, and she felt as if the opportunity came up to recreate it, she wasn't sure if she could pull herself away, as sad as that was.

Of course, she'd feel bad about that, try to picture Robert in her head and then move on. But Gil Grissom sometimes made it hard for Sara to remember her husband, and she had a feeling that was going to become a problem.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N - I really enjoyed writing this particular chapter. Like, I kind of want to make out with it a little bit. So obviously, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. And thanks to my hardworking beta GSFanatic, who always has something awesome to contribute.**

Thanksgiving was coming up in a few days, and Sara didn't know what to do. Usually she went with her husband to his parents' house in New Orleans, but he wasn't going this year.

"There's too much work to do around here," Robert said when she called and asked about his plans. "A few people are taking off, and I want to stick around in case they need some extra hands around here."

"Well, do you want me to come hang out for a couple of days? If they need an extra hand, maybe I can help."

"Oh, no, babe, that's not necessary," he said quickly. "We hired a few extra people since you've been gone, so we'll be fine. I just want to make sure we're covered."

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you when I see you, then," she said.

She was a little surprised that he didn't want her to visit. She'd been in Vegas for nearly 3 months, and she hadn't seen him at all. It was rocky at first, but in the past month he'd been calling her more often, telling her he missed her and hoped to see her soon. He even sent her a necklace he picked out for her, which she loved. So this turn of events was a bit strange.

"I do miss you, though," he told her. "You are coming back soon, right? Jack's been talking about retiring more than usual lately. You are going to be here to take the supervisor position, right?"

"Of course," she said, and she was 98 sure about that. "Yes. That's the plan."

"Okay, just making sure. I love you, Sara. I hope you're doing whatever you need to do out there that's going to bring you back to me."

"Me too," she said. "I love you."

They hung up, leaving Sara wondering about her husband's weird behavior. She was feeling a little homesick now after talking to him, and was a little bummed out about not being able to see him. And then, of course, Grissom came walking down the hall, sending those goddamn butterflies flying around in her stomach as usual.

"Hey," he said. "What's up?"

"Not much. Oh, there was a weird-looking substance on that body Nick and I found by Lake Mead. It was blue, and it was in her hair, on her face, on her clothes, even in her mouth...I sent it to trace."

"Good," he said, nodding. "That'll help."

They walked together to the break room, making small talk about the weather. It was getting easier to talk to him about the little things, but at first, she found it hard to talk to him about anything but the cases. She was worried she would slip and say, "Greg found a hit in CODIS, and also, I would really like to talk about that night when we kissed." That would have been awkward.

He was also trying to maintain a little distance between them, she noticed. And she still wondered why this was happening. It was a little frustrating, because sometimes she wanted to just sit down and talk to him. She wanted to sit next to him, talk about things that mattered, look in his eyes to see if she saw a hint of anything in there. She wanted something she couldn't have, something that he wasn't allowing her to have, and it was starting to get on her nerves.

In the break room, Catherine and Warrick were sitting side by side, sharing an orange and reading the paper. Sara remembered how she and Robert used to do that when they were brand new, and it made her more homesick than ever.

"Hey, Sara," Warrick said. "How are tricks?"

"Tricks are for kids," she said. They both chuckled. She liked Warrick; he always offered a different perspective than everyone else and she liked listening to his theories.

"Hey, Sara," Catherine said. "Warrick and I were wondering what you were doing for Thanksgiving. We were going to have a little party at my place. Nick is coming, and he's bringing his new lady friend. I think I might have managed to convince Greg to come, too. What are your plans?"

"Well, I thought I was going home for a few days, but my husband will just be working, so I'll be here."

"Would you like to join us? Warrick carves a mean turkey."

Sara thought about it. _Why not?_ She couldn't think of a reason not to.

"Sure. Sounds like fun. But what about the turkey? I hate to be a pain, but..."

"Oh, right. Its fine, we'll make sure to serve whatever it is that you vegetarians eat for Thanksgiving. It's really no problem," Catherine said.

Sara looked at Grissom questioningly, wondering if he was going to be in attendance.

"Oh, me?" He said. "My daughter's coming in from Cornell, so Avery and I are having dinner with her."

_Interesting,_ Sara noted. For even though she knew their marriage was over, Sara was still curious about this woman that was married to Grissom for 20 years.

* * *

  
On Tuesday, Grissom picked his daughter up at the airport. He was always happy to see Charlotte, and he was proud of how successful she was turning out to be. He wasn't a big fan of lawyers, but he'd make an exception for his daughter.

"Hi, honey," he said, and gave her a forehead kiss. "Welcome back to Vegas."

Charlotte scoffed. She hated Vegas, and he knew it. She moved to New York to go to NYU the day after she graduated from high school. She only came to Vegas to visit her parents, and most of the time she begged them to come to New York. "It's just too damn hot! And disgusting! And there's so much crime! How can you stand it, Daddy?" She'd always say. The funny thing was, he never really had an answer for her.

On the way to his house, they chatted about life in New York. She loved it there, and she enjoyed learning about the law.

"I know you hate lawyers, Daddy, but there are some lawyers who aren't greedy pigs. Some of us actually aren't in it for the money."

"And I know that, but you know that I've seen my share of the ones who are," he said.

She nodded, not wanting to get into this argument yet again. And then they moved on to the topic he hated talking about more than lawyers, and that was a lot.

"So...have you found anyone yet?"

Grissom sighed. He would never understand his daughter's interest in his love life. She was like a mini-Catherine, always wanting to know everyone's business.

"No. No, I haven't. And I'm not looking, either, so...be quiet, young lady."

"Daaaddd...you've been divorced for almost 5 years! Maybe you can try internet dating. I've heard that really works for some people."

It was Grissom's turn to scoff.

"Are you kidding? Can you really see me doing that?"

"No. I guess not."

She turned up the radio, reflecting on something. He knew she had something on her mind. He didn't know a lot of things about a lot of people, but he knew when his daughter had something on her mind.

Minutes later, she turned down the radio and said, "Mom says that you hired someone to replace Holly. She said you've known this woman for a while. What's her name? Kara?"

He glared at his daughter. How the hell did Avery know about Sara? He certainly hadn't mentioned it to her.

"Her name is Sara, but you probably already knew that. I met her at a conference about 10 years ago. She was very intelligent and her eyes didn't glaze over when I talked about entomology, so we kept in touch. She was the natural one to replace Holly. And that's about it."

"Interesting," Charlotte said, smirking.

"It's not that interesting, Charlotte. She's married."

"Happily?" She asked hopefully.

He didn't say anything, because honestly, he wasn't sure if she was happy. Spending so much time away from her husband must be taking a toll on the relationship, but of course he never talked to her about it. He wanted to. He wanted a lot of things, but he knew there was a time and place for everything, and he was a patient man.

"Interesting," she said again. He rolled his eyes. Charlotte finally took this as a sign to lay off, and she turned up the radio again and they drove to his house without talking about any other annoying topics.

* * *

  
Warrick and Catherine shared a charming little house in Summerlin. When Sara arrived, Catherine's daughter opened the door.

"Hey. I'm Lindsey. My mom and Warrick are in the kitchen. Later."

Sara watched as the teenager ran upstairs, cell phone glued to her ear. She heard that Lindsey lost her dad a few years ago, around the same age Sara lost hers. She still envied that little girl, because after all she'd been through, at least she still had her mother.

She didn't really know where the kitchen was, but she followed the noise and found it. Warrick and Catherine were in the middle of a spicy looking kiss, which Sara found herself staring at for some odd reason. Finally, Catherine noticed her standing there and ended the kiss.

"Heh, sorry. You were engaged once, you know how it is."

Sara remembered. She and Robert were engaged for 6 months, and it was the best 6 months they ever had. She remembered thinking about how happy this man made her, and how excited she was to get married to him. During those months, Sara never even thought about Grissom. Well, not more than once or twice.

"I remember," she said. "Hey, is there anything I can help with? I make awesome mashed potatoes."

"Well, you can peel the potatoes if you want," Warrick told her. "But you can also be our guest and not do anything but kick your feet up."

Sara laughed. "Oh, yeah? What's that like? Point me towards the potatoes."

Catherine gave her the potatoes and the peeler. Sara got to work.

"We made you a nut roast," Catherine said. "It looks disgusting, but we don't have to eat it, so it's okay."

Sara laughed. She was used to non-vegetarians making fun of her food.

While Sara peeled the potatoes, the other guests started to arrive. Greg came without a date, claiming that Sara was his date for the evening. Nick came with a girl he met at the grocery store, of all places. Her name was Olivia, and she was gorgeous. She also couldn't take her eyes off her date, and Sara couldn't blame her. Olivia's date was a handsome man.

A few minutes later, Brass showed up with Jane. It was the first time everyone had seen her since the funeral, and nobody was sure what to say. The woman looked like she could fall apart at any second.

Eventually, the food was served, and everyone gathered at the dining room table. Even Lindsey cleared some time in her busy texting schedule to join the table. Sara was particularly proud of her mashed potatoes, which had no lumps in them at all. She learned how to get all the lumps out when she made dinner for her father, who got very mad very fast if there were ever lumps in the potatoes.

Greg had a piece of the nut roast out of solidarity with Sara. She knew he would hate it, but even if he did, he still ate the whole thing.

It was Nick's idea for everyone to say what they're thankful for, which received a collective groan.

"I know, I know, but that's what we did in Texas, and I'm feeling a little homesick right now, okay? Please, just humor me! I need it!"

Out of pity for Nick, Catherine went first.

"I'm thankful for my friends, who came to our house to celebrate these festivities."

Warrick said, "I'm thankful for my new family, and the friends who came to our first Thanksgiving as an engaged couple."

Lindsey rolled her eyes and said, "I'm thankful that my future step dad is so cool. Or whatever."

Brass said, "I'm thankful that I have this strong, wonderful woman by my side tonight."

Jane couldn't speak for a second or too after that, but she said, "I'm so thankful that I have somewhere to go and people to support me on the first holiday I've spent without my daughter. Thank you."

Brass put his arm around her, and she wiped her tears on his sleeve.

Nick said, "I'm thankful that you guys humored me, and I'm thankful that even though we see such heinous crimes on a daily basis, we still have each other to turn to."

Olivia said, "I'm thankful that I'm the presence of people who risk their lives every day to speak for someone who can't do it for themselves. I'm humbled." Sara's respect for the girl raised about a hundred notches.

Greg said, "I'm grateful that Sara is here with us tonight, because she has given me new life when I was starting to think it wouldn't happen for me."

Sara squeezed Greg's hand. He was such a nice guy.

"I'm thankful for my new friends, who are keeping me company while I'm away from my husband."

"All right!" Catherine said. "Thank you, Nick, for having us do that. It felt good. Can we eat now?"

Nick nodded, and everyone dug in. There were many compliments on Sara's potatoes. There was also a lot of alcohol consumed.

Eventually, Catherine, Greg, Olivia and Sara did the dishes while Nick and Warrick watched football. Brass and Jane left after eating, because it was all too much for Jane to handle.

At the sink, Catherine washed and Sara dried. Sara had something she wanted to say to Catherine, and she felt now was the time to say it.

"Hey, Cath? I think Grissom took a file home that I need for shift tonight. Do you think it would be okay if I went over to his house to get it?"

Catherine stared at Sara, and Sara knew she could see right through her.

"Sara...I don't know if tonight would be the best night to satisfy your curiosities about his family. It's a holiday, he hasn't seen his daughter for a while, and maybe you should wait a day or two. Or maybe not at all, if you know what I mean."

Catherine knew exactly what Sara wanted to do, and truthfully, she didn't blame Sara. But Avery would eat her alive, and when she might have enjoyed that a few months ago, she developed a soft spot for this girl who replaced Holly. She was smart and attentive and picked up on things very easily. Oh, and she was completely in love with Gil Grissom and was quite terrible at hiding it. Catherine had to wonder about this husband of hers and what he must think about his wife being so far away.

"I just really need that file, Cath, and Grissom has the night off."

"I don't think it's a good idea. I can see that you're going to do it anyway, but just know this, Sara...Avery is very possessive of the things she thinks belong to her."

"But what if they don't belong to her anymore?" Sara asked hesitantly.

"It doesn't matter, because even if it used to be hers, it can't be anyone else's in her eyes. Especially if whatever--or whoever--wants the thing, already has a thing of her own."

The women both knew the conversation was getting ridiculous, so they dropped it. But they also both knew what Sara was going to do, whether it was a good idea or not.

* * *

  
"Gil...these potatoes have lumps in them! The one thing I let you do, and you still screw it up." Avery tried to say this jokingly, but Avery was not good at joking about anything.

Gil met Avery when they were both undergrads at UCLA. He hadn't counted on meeting anyone in college; all he wanted to do was study. But she was neat and efficient and made herself at home in his life, and he let her. It worked just fine between them because they were both so busy with their studies, they barely had any time to spend with each other. When they did go on dates, she made it so easy.

"Here's where we're going for dinner, and here's what movie we're going to see. Later, we'll go back to your place and I'll spend the night," she'd say. That was fine with him. At the time, he enjoyed having her run the show. Though as the years went by, he found her extremely controlling and demanding, which led to the divorce.

"Sorry, Avery. I hope they're still edible."

Charlotte rolled her eyes. Her parents were so weird sometimes.

"Charlotte, how is Cornell? Met anybody there yet?" Avery asked her daughter.

"I've met lots of people, Mom. I'm a sociable girl."

"That's nice. Any young men we should be aware of?"

"There was a guy, but I had to get rid of him. He didn't share the same goals."

Gil chuckled. His daughter never failed to amuse him.

They were digging into the pecan pie Charlotte made for dessert when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Charlotte said. "It may be Kristy. She said she might come by tonight."

Charlotte ran to the door and flung it open. She knew instantly who was standing outside the door, and she knew why she was standing in the doorway of her dad's house on Thanksgiving night. And she felt very, very sorry for her.

"Hi! I'm Charlotte," she said. She wanted to say, "Hi, I'm Charlotte! My mother can be a raging bitch, so you better go now!"

"Hi, Charlotte, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Sara. I just wanted to get something from your dad that I need for work tonight."

"Oh, okay. Come on in, you're just in time for dessert."

Charlotte led Sara into the kitchen, looking forward to what was about to happen in spite of herself. She did love watching drama go down around her.

When Gil saw who walked in the kitchen, he dropped his fork. Noticing her ex-husband's reaction, Avery looked up at their guest.

"Oh, um, hi. I'm Sara. I just needed to pick up that file about the Lake Mead before I head into work tonight," she said nervously, addressing Avery instead of Grissom.

"Oh, Sara. I've heard so much about you," Avery said coldly. "Would you like a piece of pie? Charlotte made it herself."

"Oh, no thanks," Sara said. "Catherine and Warrick fed us enough food for an army. I can barely move right now."

Avery snickered. Grissom looked wildly uncomfortable.

"I'll go get that file," he said, looking back and forth between the women. "Um...yeah. I'll be back."

When he left, Avery got right to the point.

"So, Sara, I'm sorry you didn't get to spend the holiday with your husband. Maybe you'll get to see him at Christmas."

"Yes, maybe I will. I am rather homesick; it would be nice to see him."

Charlotte watched as these women, both of them who had different degrees of love for her father, looked each other over, sizing each other up. It was kind of like watching a car accident in the making.

Thankfully, Grissom reappeared, nearly out of breath from rushing to get the file.

"Here it is. Let me know if you find anything tonight. This is going to be a tough one."

Sara nodded. "I know, but it just seems so brutal. Somebody is going to want to know what happened to this person, and I'm going to find out for them."

Grissom smiled for half a second, and then frowned when he noticed Avery watching him.

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow," she told Grissom. Turning to Avery and Charlotte, she said, "It was really nice to meet you. Sorry for bothering you tonight."

"Oh, it's no problem," Charlotte and Avery said at the same time. They glared at each other.

Grissom watched Sara leave, so completely confused as to what just happened. Having Avery and Sara in the same room was a little too surreal. He never wanted it to happen again.

"Um, I'm going to bed. Good-night," Charlotte said. She kissed her parents and scrambled upstairs. But like she did as a little girl, she didn't go into her room. Instead, she listened to what her parents were talking about.

"So that's Sara," she heard her mom say. "She's really pretty."

"Avery, don't start," her dad said. "Really, I don't want to hear about it."

"Are you dating her, Gil?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I'm not. She's married."

"It didn't stop you when you were married!"

Grissom sighed. She never got over it, never. He was starting to feel very, very regretful about telling Avery about the kiss. He told her years later, because he had to. She flat out asked him, and he wasn't going to lie to his wife. It wasn't the reason for the divorce, but it was just another reason in a long list of reasons.

"Well, we're working together now and nothing is happening. Nothing will happen. So please drop it, I beg you."

"Don't worry, I'm leaving," Avery said. "I don't want to fight with you, Gil, but I do want to tell you something."

"What?" He said, irritated.

"Be careful. I know she's married, Gil, but like I said, sometimes that doesn't stop people from making bad decisions. She's a nice girl, I can see that. Don't let lust interfere with what she has going for her in California. Be careful, that's all I'm saying."

As annoying as his ex-wife could be, she said it out of love, and he knew she was right about this. He thought about all the things that could possibly happen with Sara, the things he wanted to happen, and dismissed them. It could never happen. No matter how deep his feelings were for her, it was off-limits. And he was just going to have to make peace with that.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N - So the last episode...completely depressing, yes. But I would like to thank Grissom for giving this little fic a shout-out. Thanks, Griss! Big fan here.

Anyway, this chapter was a little difficult to write, and forgive me (and/or flame me) for being ignorant about the technical stuff.

As always, thanks to GSFanatic, who still is very patient when dealing with my insane ramblings. And thanks to my reviewers--I love y'all 'cause I'm such a feedback whore, and I'm okay with admitting that to the public.

* * *

"Sara, you're with me tonight," Grissom told her when he was handing out assignments. "A nasty murder in Henderson. Catherine, take Greg and Chuck to the Tangiers, we have 2 DBs in the fountain and apparently no witnesses. Nick, you're on your own tonight, a burglary at a liquor store. Don't look at me like that, maybe you'll get lucky and the Cowboys will be on TV."

Catherine snorted. Nick looked deflated. And Sara was left with 2 conflicting feelings--panic and excitement. Excitement, because in the nearly 4 months she'd been in Vegas, they had yet to work on a case together, just the two of them, side by side. Panic, because she hadn't been alone with him in a very, very long time.

He had been warming up to her in the weeks since she came to his house and met his wife and daughter. She didn't know why, and she didn't try to question it. She was grateful that the tension was starting to ease for once, and she was looking forward to working together with him tonight.

Christmas was in 4 days, and Warrick and Catherine's wedding would be on New Years Eve. Apparently, their first kiss had been on New Years Eve a few years back, and that's why they chose the date. Sara hadn't asked her husband what his plans were for Christmas, and he didn't tell her. You have to talk to communicate plans, and they weren't exactly talking. There hadn't been a fight or anything, but one day Sara realized she hadn't talked to Robert in a few days, and she didn't do anything about it. And then another couple of days went by, and then before she knew it, she hadn't talked to her husband in 2 weeks. There was something wrong with that, but Sara wasn't ready to pronounce the relationship dead, not yet. She still had feelings for her husband. She still took her vows seriously. Even if she did have strong feelings for someone else, those feelings weren't acted on. She tried not to think about what she'd do if she had the opportunity.

Soon, she and Grissom were on their way to the scene. They didn't talk for a few minutes, and she wondered what she could say to soften the mood.

"So you've been here for a while now," Grissom said while she was trying to think of something, i anything. /i "What do you think of Vegas?"

"Well, I'm not a big fan of the town, I must admit," she said. "Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of the same kind of crime in San Francisco, but it just wasn't as...I don't know, violent. It's scary here. Sometimes I don't like being out alone at night, and I have mace and a gun."

Grissom snickered.

"But I really like the lab. I like the way everyone works together. There's a good vibe here and I can appreciate that. You run a good team."

"Thank you, but I must say, it wasn't like this before you came to town. I told you, Sara, we needed someone to help us get it together, and I don't know what it is about you, but you've done wonders for us. It feels like a family again, and it hasn't felt like that in a long time."

That's the most he'd said to her in almost 4 months. She was nearly speechless.

"Well, with such a good group, it's easy to do," she said.

He looked at her and smiled long enough to make the butterflies reappear, then refocused on the road. God, he was sexy in sunglasses. Well, he was sexy i without /i sunglasses. He was just sexy, period.

She didn't want the conversation to end, but before long, they arrived at the scene, a large, well-kept house in the heart of Henderson. Brass met them and caught them up on the gory details.

"Hey, Gil. Hey, Sara," Brass said distractedly. "We've got one DB in the house, and it's pretty nasty. A woman, IDed as Lauren Pike, in her thirties. Shot in the back of the head a couple of times, in the back a few times, missing a finger or two...well, that's not all, but you can see for yourself. Oh, and of course, the husband is missing.

Sara sighed. She was not looking forward to this one.

David was taking Lauren Pike out as they came in. Sara grimaced when she saw how brutal this woman's murder had been.

"That looks like it must have been personal," Sara told Grissom. "It's so amazing what people can do to each other."

Grissom nodded, noticing the pained look on her face. He knew she had a tendency to take these kinds of crimes to heart. He admired the way she still carried it with her after all this time. Because at one point, he stopped taking everything so personally. He didn't know if that helped him or hurt him, but he had stopped caring about that a long time ago.

"You take the bedroom; I'll start in the kitchen. There's blood everywhere, this might take a while."

Sara nodded, and they set off to work.

Sara collected hairs, glass fragments, fingerprints, torn pieces of clothing...it was an evidence bonanza. And when she met up with Grissom, it was the same thing.

"Yeah, there's a lot of evidence," he told her. "There might be more than one person in on this, which makes it...well, it's weird. Why did 2 people need to take this woman out?"

Sara wondered about this Lauren Pike. She wondered if it took more than one person to kill her because she wouldn't go down without a fight. Sara liked her already.

"I need to step outside for a minute," Grissom said. "The smell is getting to me."

Sara nodded, and he walked outside. She was dusting for fingerprints in the living room when she heard tires screeching on pavement, and then the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. Without taking any time to think what was happening, Sara ran. She dropped everything and ran. She took out her gun and shouted, "Grissom! GRISSOM!"

"Grissom!" She flung the door open to see a man, a very angry looking man, pointing his gun towards Grissom. Before he even had a chance to turn around and look at who just flung the door open, Sara pulled the trigger, and the man fell down on the well-manicured lawn.

Before Sara could register what she'd just done, she ran to Grissom, who was sitting in the grass, looking shell dazed and confused.

"Grissom! Gil! Did he shoot you? What happened?"

When he didn't say anything, she searched all over to see if he was bleeding.

When he noticed she wasn't going to give up the search, he finally talked.

"I'm fine. I think he grazed my shoulder, but I'm okay." She looked down at his shoulder and noticed the blood seeping through his shirt.

"Dispatch, send an ambulance to 407 Ravenhurst immediately!" Sara shouted into her phone. "Grissom, are you okay? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Sara, seriously. He only grazed me. Maybe we better check on him, huh?"

Sara turned her attention to the man sprawled out on the lawn. She ignored the throngs of people who were gathering outside their doors to see what was going on.

Grissom checked his pulse.

"Yeah. He's...not alive."

"Oh, my God," Sara murmured, and then sat down on the grass. "I can't believe I just killed somebody."

"You did it because he was about to shoot me," Grissom said, sitting down next to her. "You did it because you had to."

Sara shook her head. She couldn't even begin to explain it to him.

Seconds later, the ambulance showed up, with 10 black and whites in tow. Grissom explained that he didn't need to go to the hospital, but the EMTs insisted he go with them. Sara stuck around, for what seemed like half a damn day, to explain to Brass and everyone else what happened, and he yelled at the cops who should have cleared the scene.

"Jim, it wasn't their fault," Sara told him. "It was a drive-by. The man must have been waiting for someone to come outside."

"That's no excuse. Someone should have been out here," he said angrily. "Look, you get out of here. I'm going to get Catherine to take over. I'm sure we'll have more questions later, but go home. You're going to need the rest."

Sara left, but she didn't go home. She went straight to the hospital and found Grissom angrily pacing his hospital room.

"Hey," she said when he didn't see her come in. She enjoyed an interesting view of the back of him in the hospital gown.

He turned around quickly and smiled. "Hey, I'm glad you came. I have no idea why I'm here. I'm FINE."

"You almost got shot, Griss. Chill out for a few hours, will you?"

He sighed, and sat down on his bed. He had a sling on his arm, which looked a little unnecessary for the wound he had.

"Nice sling," she told him, grinning.

He rolled his eyes. "I told the EMTs not to take me here, but they had to. Avery is in charge of the E.R. and pretty much had a goddamn heart attack when she saw me, so...I got the full treatment."

Sara was starting to wonder if Avery was Wonder Woman. She showed up everywhere Grissom was, it didn't matter where.

"Well, it was a good thing she was here to take care of you," Sara said. "I was worried."

Grissom shook his head. "Nothing to worry about. I'm fine."

Avery chose that moment to come bounding through the door.

"Gil, I have some more pain medication for you--oh, hello, Sara."

"Hi, Avery. Nice to see you again."

Avery nodded. She looked different somehow. Less angry. Less vindictive.

"Gil told me what happened. You were quite a hero for him, Sara. Thank you."

"Oh, well...yeah," Sara said, not expecting this from Avery. "Of course."

Gil watched as the two women exchanged words. He was fascinated by the both of them, and it wasn't because he was feeling woozy from the pain meds. He loved Avery and always would, but in a much different way that he loved Sara. And he did love her, he knew this in his heart of hearts. He knew it when he heard her screaming his name as she came charging outside, bullets blazing. He wanted to be with this woman, this intriguing woman that he never stopped thinking about since the day he met her. And yet she was married. Happily or not, she was still married. There was no reason to think she'd give up her marriage for him, so now he was at a standstill. It was incredible frustrating, to say the least.

"Well, anyway..." Avery said awkwardly. "Thank you, Sara. I was just giving him his meds. I'll leave you two alone." She walked out, closing the door behind her. Sara wondered what the hell just happened, but tried not to question it too much.

As soon as the door closed, Grissom's cell phone rang.

"Grissom. What--honey, honey, calm down. I'm fine. It's not even a bullet wound, it just grazed my shoulder. I'm fine, Charlotte! Stop crying right now, young lady! Your mother is taking very good care of me. No, she's not here right now. Yes, Sara is here. Yes, right here. What? Why--okay, fine. Sara, she wants to talk to you. She's a little hysterical, so...beware."

Sara chuckled and took the phone.

"Hi, Charlotte. Your dad is okay, really."

"Thank God!" Charlotte said. "Sara, seriously? How are we going to ever thank you? I can't believe you shot someone for my dad!"

"Well, I mean...it's not a big deal," Sara said wearily. "I did what I had to do."

Charlotte was quiet for a second. Sara wondered if the girl hung up.

"Sara, he needs you. I just want you to know that. I know you have whatever else going on in your life, but my dad really, really needs you. And don't let him tell you any different."

"Charlotte, look, I--"

"I know you're married. We all know that. But we also know that you're here, and your husband's not, and, well...that says something. I'm sorry, but it does."

Sara didn't say anything. Grissom looked at her curiously, but she just shrugged.

"Okay, give the phone back to my dad. Just know he needs you, Sara. And maybe, if you don't feel the same way, you should probably go back home soon. And no, that's not a threat. But if you care about him, maybe you should go."

Sara gave the phone back to Grissom. She sank down in a chair while he talked to his daughter. She couldn't help but think that Charlotte was wrong. If Grissom needed her, why was he keeping her at such a distance? Why didn't they ever sit down and just talk to each other? Why did he act like he didn't fucking care if Charlotte was right, and he did need her? It was so aggravating, she could barely stand it.

While Grissom assured Charlotte that everything was fine, Sara's cell phone rang.

"We got an ID on the drive-by guy," Brass told her. "Jason Pike, Lauren's husband. We're sure he's the one who killed her. Catherine's working on it."

"Great. Thanks, Jim."

When Grissom finally got off the phone, she told him, "The driver's name was Jason Pike. He was Lauren's husband. Catherine's on the case now."

He nodded.

"That's good. I'm sure she'll figure it out." He yawned, and Sara noticed how tired he looked. He looked like no matter how much sleep he would get, he'd still be tired.

"Look, I'll clear out of here. You look tired, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Sara, I...I can't even begin to tell you..."

"I know. Don't worry about it." She smiled at him, and then rushed out of the room. She didn't want to have that conversation. She would just say things that nobody needed to hear.

But she didn't leave the hospital. And a few hours later, she found herself seeking Avery out and asking if she could go back in the room. Avery apparently took pity on her, because she said it would be okay.

Before Sara went in, Avery touched her shoulder.

"Sara...I know how you feel. And I've been there before. He's an easy man to fall in love with. But he's not very good with his emotions, and...well, just be careful."

Sara nodded. It was interesting how Grissom's family was so interested in her well-being all of a sudden. She wasn't sure what to think about that.

She walked in his room and quietly closed the door. She sat in a chair and watched him sleep, oblivious to the world around him. It was only then that she let herself think about what she'd done. She killed a man. Sure, it was necessary at the time. Grissom would be dead right now if she hadn't. But she couldn't help comparing herself to her mother. It was not a comparison she liked.

Of course she knew that being in law enforcement meant maybe having to use her gun one day, but she never thought she'd actually kill someone. But when she pulled that trigger, all she could think about was protecting Grissom. If she shot the man in the leg or the arm or something, he would still be able to shoot Grissom. She did what she had to do, but that didn't mean she was happy about it.

Sooner or later, she found herself doing something she hadn't done in a long, long time--crying. She buried her face in her hands and cried as much as she could without making noise. But Grissom still woke up anyway, groggily at first, and then worried.

"Sara? What are you doing? Are you crying?"

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't even be here," she said. And then she sobbed.

"Come here," he said. "Come here, Sara. Sit next to me on this bed."

She obeyed. He put his hand on hers. The warmth of his hand warmed her whole body.

"I'm sorry, Griss, I shouldn't even be here," she said again.

"You have every right to be here," he whispered. "You saved my life. Nobody has saved my life before. You have every right to be here."

She couldn't stop crying. God, it was so embarrassing!

"Can you tell me why you're crying?" He asked her, gripping her hand harder.

She shook her head. The room was dark, but he could still tell a stubborn woman, even if he couldn't see her.

"Sara, please tell me. It's just us. I won't judge you. I'll never judge you."

She knew he wouldn't, and she would never judge him, either. So she thought about it. And thought about it. And couldn't come up with any reasons why she shouldn't tell him.

So she told him. She didn't want to, but she did, because she was deeply in love with him and wanted him to know every single thing there was to know about her. She told him about the abuse, and the trips to the hospital, and the young cop that puked when he saw what happened to her father. She told him about her years in foster care, about how all she wanted to do was learn something, anything, so she could get out of that town. The only thing she didn't tell him was the one thing that mattered. They didn't need to talk about that now.

"Do you think there's a murder gene?" She asked him after she poured her heart out.

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior," he said carefully.

"Griss...I killed someone today. A man. Just like my mother did."

"You both did what you had to do. Your mother was trying to protect her children, and you were trying to protect, well, me."

Sara didn't know about that, but she let herself believe him. She let him hold her hand. And eventually, they both fell asleep, side by side, still clutching each other's hand.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews, I love 'em. And for all of you who celebrate Thanksgiving, happy Thanksgiving! I know I will be enjoying me some turkey and mashed potatoes. And those who don't, happy rest of the week to you. As usual, much thanks to GSFanatic, who always has the original goal in mind and reminds me of that when I get ahead of myself.**

Sara spent her Christmas working in the lab. When she left the hospital, only when she was sure Grissom would be okay, she sat in her car and called Robert. The silent treatment was easy and strangely satisfying, but it wasn't right, not for her.

"Hey, babe," he said when he answered the phone. "I was wondering what happened to you. We haven't talked in a while."

"I know. Things have been crazy here," she said, confident in the fact that she wasn't lying.

"Here, too. Let's not let so much time go by again, okay?"

"Okay, hon," she said. "Look, what are you doing for Christmas? Maybe we can meet in the middle or something, get a hotel room, order some Chinese food..."

He sighed. She knew the news would not be good.

"That sounds great, but I'm working. With you gone, I'm trying to work as much as possible, get some overtime in, try to help out the department, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," she muttered.

"Don't be like that. And look at you, you've been there for 4 months, Sara. When are you coming home?"

Sara was starting to wonder that herself. Grissom never mentioned how long the lab needed her. Greg was excelling, and Chuck was starting to get the hang of things, too. Pretty soon, they weren't going to need her anymore, and that gave her slight panic. She wasn't ready to leave. Not yet.

"I'm not sure. Soon."

"I hope so. I miss you, babe. We'll get together after New Years, okay?"

"Okay," she said, trying to sound upbeat and happy. "Love you."

"Love you, too." And that was that. She was going to be alone on Christmas for the first time since she'd been married. It would be like back at Harvard, when she'd spend Christmas under the covers, watching It's a Wonderful Life, so jealous of everyone who had a family to celebrate with, wishing her mother wasn't behind bars and her father was alive so she could have some semblance of a normal holiday.

Catherine and Warrick offered to let her spend the holiday with them, but she didn't want to intrude when it was so close to their wedding day. Greg offered to let her come to dinner with his family who came to Vegas to celebrate with him, but she didn't want to intrude on that, either.

Instead, she shook off the pity party and went to work on Christmas. People still died on holidays, she found, and she sunk her teeth into a particularly gruesome case involving a homeless man and the priest who may or may not have been involved in his death.

Back at the lab, she was listening to her iPod and going over the evidence. She was humming along to one of her favorite songs by the Ramones when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

She spun around, jolted out of the zone she was in, and found herself looking into the startling blue eyes of Grissom.

"Hey! What are you doing here today?" She asked him curiously.

"Oh, Avery and Charlotte are playing with the pretty new things they got for Christmas, so I thought I'd come in."

"Oh. Okay, well, I'm just working on the homeless guy case. Do you want me to fill you in?"

"Yes, please do," he said, and she gave him the rundown of what she knew so far. He seemed impressed.

She and Grissom didn't work together on much, but when they did, they easily found their groove and had a routine that worked out for them nicely. She really enjoyed working with him, and knew that once she went back to San Francisco, she'd lose that feeling. And not for the first time, she wondered if maybe she wouldn't go back. Maybe she'd stay here. Maybe he'd ask her to stay here, and she'd say yes. Maybe it was time to cut her losses.

And then she'd shake it off, because she made a promise many years ago to a man who loved her. If nothing else, Sara was a loyal woman. Lately, she really wished she wasn't.

* * *

  
Gil Grissom was not a man of many words, and frankly, he was tired of that. Seeing Sara in her natural element, solving puzzles in the lab, humming along to her favorite music...he _craved_ her. Since she saved his life, she was all he could think about. And he was tired of this game they were playing, this subtle game of pretending the other didn't care when they both knew they did. He wasn't positive, but he was beginning to feel like she felt the same way. It was the looks, the gestures, the smiles she'd give him when no one else was watching. There was something going on, he just wasn't sure what. 

He thought of the conversation he had earlier with Charlotte at the dinner table when Avery went outside to talk on her cell phone, presumably to a new boyfriend, although Gil didn't care enough to ask.

"How are you feeling?" Charlotte had asked, concerned. She hadn't planned on coming for Christmas; there was just too much studying to do and not enough time. But she booked a flight anyway after finding out her dad had almost been shot, because she loved her daddy and thought it was the right thing to do.

"I'm fine, honey. Really," he said, although his arm still hurt like a son of a bitch. The meds were helping, but he wasn't used to getting hurt. That's why he was a CSI and not a cop in the first place.

"Dad...we need to talk about Sara," Charlotte said, a determined look on her face.

"No, no we don't. She saved my life, we all appreciate it, that's it, Charlotte."

"That's not it! You know it, I know it, Mom knows it, and damn it, Dad, I'm sure Sara knows it too! Look, I know I'm not supposed to know this, but I know that you guys kissed a while back. If you were willing to sacrifice your marriage, then why wouldn't she be willing to sacrifice hers? And by the way, she doesn't have children like you do, so it'll be easier for her to walk away."

Gil stared at his daughter. Were these words even coming out of her mouth?

"Charlotte, please. This is not something you need to help me with."

Charlotte gave her father a look of deep, mournful pity.

"Yes, it is. Because you aren't going to help yourself with it. I saw the way she looked at you when she came over on Thanksgiving, and there's something to that. I bet she doesn't look at her husband like that."

"We don't know anything about that."

Charlotte sighed. "Dad, she is in love with you. You! You, who named your own daughter after a spider. You, a workaholic with no taste in music, who can't make mashed potatoes without lumps in them. Face it, you're damaged goods and she doesn't care. She saved your life, Dad, and you have to do something about it before she goes back to California and you never see her again."

He knew his daughter had been joking about that, or at least he hoped she was. But as usual, she was right. He couldn't keep Sara here forever, and the lab WAS getting back on its feet after the shake-up in the wake of Holly's death. Maybe he would ask her to stay here. Maybe he would ask her to leave her husband. Or maybe, when it came down to it, he would do nothing. He lived without her for nearly a decade, what was a couple more in the scheme of things?

* * *

  
Before both of them left for the day, Sara found him in his office. She came in and sat down. 

"Hey," she said. "I enjoyed working with you today. Thanks for coming in."

He smiled.

"I just hope it wasn't too much of a disappointment to see your boss here today," he said.

"You've always been more than a boss to me," she said, smiling awkwardly. "Why do you think I came to Vegas?"

Silence. More silence. Way too much silence.

"Sara, I..." He wanted to say something. Anything. So he did.

"I didn't come in just because Avery and Charlotte were preoccupied. I came in because I knew you'd be here."

"What? I don't--"

He got out of his chair and came over to her. She stood up, looking distracted and confused.

"I wanted to see you," he said softly. "I always want to see you. I never want to stop seeing you."

"Griss, I...I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Do something."

So she did. She kissed him. She put her arms around him and kissed him with as much passion as he did the first time they kissed. Except this kiss was different. This kiss wasn't about lust, it was about love. It was about sleepless nights and long, carefully thought out emails and random phone conversations just to hear the other's voice.

He pulled her closer to him and kissed her harder. Desperate, hungry, horny. He searched her mouth with his tongue, and she returned the favor. She moaned, and it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

Neither of them wanted it to end, because neither of them knew when it would start again, or if it would ever start again. But they were at the lab, in a professional capacity. Even though only a few people were roaming the halls because of the holiday, someone could still walk by to catch them in this delicate situation. So Grissom was the first to pull away. He didn't want to, he never wanted to, he didn't even want to stop the first time they kissed.

"Um, do you want to take this somewhere else?" He asked her, looking at her exquisite face, now flush with desire.

She stared at him. He knew she had a tough decision to make, and he didn't want to be in her shoes. But he had been in her shoes, and when he was, she had been the sensible one. She was the one who made the choice that nothing else would happen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I don't know what to do about this, Sara."

"I do," she finally said. And then she left. He watched as she walked down the hall, head down, until he couldn't see her anymore.

* * *

  
Sara managed to avoid Grissom, as much as she could avoid her boss, until Warrick and Catherine's wedding almost a week later. He could tell she didn't want to talk about it, so he assigned her as much as he could with Catherine or Nick or Greg, anyone but him. She seemed grateful. 

Sara was not looking forward to this wedding. She didn't have a date, and she was starting to miss her husband more than ever. Even if she hadn't kissed Grissom, she still would have _wanted_ to kiss Grissom. It became clear to her that she wasn't being fair to this man who she was married to, and she tried to push thoughts of Grissom out of her mind. It was hard. It was way too hard. She was going to have to talk to him about going home, because this was putting a serious strain on her marriage.

That doesn't mean she didn't put a lot of thought into what she was going to wear. In fact, even before Christmas, she cornered Catherine in the break room and asked her a very important question.

"Catherine, I need help."

"What is it, Sara?" Catherine asked, concerned.

Sara laughed. "Don't look so serious about it. I need a dress. I know you're a little busy with wedding plans and all, but--"

"Say no more. We'll go shopping before shift tomorrow. Trust me, you'll look fabulous.

The shopping trip was fun, Sara had to admit. She wondered why she didn't have more female friends. Sometimes it was nice to just go to the mall and pick out clothes together. Plus, Catherine's taste was amazing, and she picked out a dress that Sara loved, a blue number that showed an impressive amount of all the important areas.

When Sara modeled the dress for Catherine, Catherine whistled. Sara blushed when she noticed she'd attracted some attention in the store.

"What I would do for those legs," Catherine said, shaking her head. "I think there will be some people who will enjoy this dress immensely."

Sara raised her eyebrows. "Who might that be?"

"Oh, you know, Greg will probably chew his tongue off. And...others."

Sara knew who Catherine was referring to, of course. And while she knew it was a little dangerous, she still hoped Catherine was right.

* * *

  
Greg picked Sara up to go to the wedding. Thankfully his date wasn't around when he came to the door to pick her up, because she wouldn't have been pleased by his reaction to Sara's dress.

"Are you serious with that dress?" He asked her, looking her up and down in a way that made her blush. "It's a good thing you have a gun, 'cause you're going to need it tonight."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Greg. Put your tongue back in before you go back to your date."

At the church, Sara spotted Grissom right away. She looked around for Avery, because she assumed she would be Grissom's date. She did spot Avery, with another man, a handsome man who looked like he was in heaven when she was around. When she saw Avery was attended to, she focused her attention back on Grissom. Because damn, he made a suit look good. _Really good._

Sara sat between Nick and Greg in the church, and Nick put his arm around her when she started crying in the middle of the wedding. She didn't usually cry at weddings, but it was just so beautiful. Catherine looked gorgeous, Warrick looked so handsome, and they both looked as if they couldn't even begin to be any happier than they were. She remembered her own wedding, which was much smaller but just as beautiful. She remembered looking into Robert's eyes that day and wishing they were blue instead of brown, and then feeling guilty about having such traitorous thoughts on her wedding day.

Sara remembered the conversation she had with Catherine when they were shopping. While they were picking through the racks like hungry vultures, Sara asked her, "How did you know you wanted to marry Warrick?"

Catherine shrugged.

"Well, I've dated a few guys since Eddie died, but none of them ever had a spark. Warrick, he's got something I've never experienced before. I still get nervous around him sometimes, and I don't know why. I knew I wanted to marry him when I realized I didn't want to live without him. Don't get me wrong, you and I both know we CAN live without a man. But I don't WANT to live without him."

Sara nodded.

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. It's just so romantic, you know? Me and Robert, we were co-workers before we got married, too. So...I was just wondering."

Catherine cleared her throat.

"Sara, you know if you're unhappy in your marriage, there's always something you can do about it. You don't have to stick around for the rest of your life. You owe it to yourself to be happy."

And Sara knew that. She was absolutely sure she had the right to be happy. But she dreaded the thought of leaving the only man who loved her enough to stick around. There was no way she could tell Catherine that, so she just held up a dress and said, "What do you think of this one?" and the conversation was instantly forgotten. By Catherine, anyway.

* * *

  
At the reception, Sara took turns dancing with her co-workers. Greg's date didn't seem to mind, since she got to dance with Nick when Greg was dancing with Sara. In between dances, Sara went back to her table, ate some cake, and watched her new friends mix and mingle. She watched Grissom dance with Avery, Avery's date staring at them like he wanted Grissom's head to explode. Grissom looked so handsome, and Sara briefly allowed herself the thought of what he would look like if they ever had a wedding day. What they would look like standing at the altar together. What it would be like to kiss him after they both said, "I do." And then, like she seemed to be doing with everything lately, she shook it off.

A few hours and lots of alcohol later, Sara and Nick danced a little extra close. He was whispering a raunchy joke in her ear when Grissom tapped Nick on the shoulder. "Mind if I cut in?" He asked Nick. Nick just nodded. Sara sighed.

Grissom held her close to him during the song, and instead of resisting, she let it happen. She was tired. Tired from the long day, tired of resisting this beautiful man in front of her, just tired.

He whispered in her ear, "You look beautiful tonight. The most beautiful woman here, and that includes Catherine. You don't know how much I want to take you home with me right now."

"Since when you have been interested in beauty?" She asked curiously. It was a nice compliment, but what the hell was she supposed to do with that information?

"Since I met you," he said, like that was the obvious answer to the question.

"What does that even mean? You know...you can't take me home right now, and we both know why. What are we doing? Why am I still here? I do have to go home eventually, are you aware of that?"

"Do you?" He whispered. She looked at him. He looked back. He more than looked, he stared.

"Are you asking me to stay?" She asked him, meeting his stare.

"What would you say if I was?"

She scoffed. "What kind of answer is that? Tell me what you want. Look me in the eye and tell me what you want."

"I want you, Sara," he said, not wavering. "Ever since I met you, I've wanted you. You go from a student that I fantasized about to a colleague that I dream about. I was married, and I have a daughter, and if I didn't, nothing would have stopped me from being with you. You know that, don't you?"

"I don't know if I know that. And now you're asking me to leave my husband when you didn't leave your wife. Why do I have to be the one to take the chance? Why do I have to be the one to walk away from my life?"

"It's different now. You're different, I'm different. There's been a lot of time since then and now. We've had years, years we've wasted, to think about what could have been, to think about the kiss that changed everything, and I know you thought about it because so did I. Sometimes it was all I could think about. So why can't we do something about it now?"

She tried very hard not to yell, but it was difficult. "First of all, I refuse to think my time with my husband was a waste. He may not be the best man for me, but we've had good times together, times that matter. And you know what? I waited for you, Grissom. I waited 5 years for you, and you never did ANYTHING. So don't tell me my life is a waste, because I refuse to believe it."

The song changed, but they didn't stop dancing. Nobody tried to cut in; everyone could see there was something going on there. And Grissom just held Sara as close as he could while they thought about what could have been, and how it might be too late to change it to what could be now.

* * *

  
Greg didn't try to talk to Sara when he took her home. She felt bad about being so quiet, but she knew he'd understand. Plus, his date was chatty enough for the both of them.

When she stepped inside her apartment, all she wanted to do was collapse into her bed. Instead, she opened her laptop and checked her email. She wanted to write Robert a nice email, assuring him that she loved him and she would see him soon. Because she had to leave this place. She couldn't stand being around Grissom all day, every day. It was too much, and she couldn't do it anymore.

Before she wrote Robert, she checked her work email for the lab in San Francisco, since she hadn't checked it in a week or two. Most of it was administrative crap, but she spotted an email with an interesting subject line. She clicked on it, not expecting her blood to boil while she read it. She read it again just to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

"That fucking son of a bitch!" She shouted out loud. Seconds later, she was on the phone with her husband. And 15 minutes later, she considered herself as good as divorced.

30 minutes later, she was in her car. And 45 minutes later, she was knocking on Grissom's door. 46 minutes later, he opened the door. 47 minutes later, she was making either the biggest mistake or the best decision of her life.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N - I was honestly overwhelmed by the response to the last chapter. Thank you so much for the reviews, it's a lovely boost to the ego--urm, it's a great way to see how well the story is working. This is sadly the next to last chapter, and I've really enjoyed writing this little AU story of mine. And thanks to GSFanatic, who might as well be a co-author with all the fantastic ideas she's had for the story.  
**

**As for the rest, well, remember that one time when Grissom and Sara kissed? I have to hand it to Jorja Fox, she can do some kissin'. I'd like to thank her for aiding me in the writing of this chapter. It's true. It's a bit smutty (well, a lot smutty) so that's why I changed the rating to M. **

Sara knocked on Grissom's door, pissed off and nervous and happy about what she was about do. _Fuck it,_ she thought. _This is going to happen, and it's about fucking time._

He answered the door looking tired but awake. He'd taken his jacket and tie off and looked like he was getting ready to sit down to watch some Discovery channel. Still, he smiled when he saw it was her, even if it was a confused smile.

"Sara? Are you okay? What's going on--"

She silenced him with a kiss. A long, never-ending kiss. He held on to her tightly, and she sank into him, finally allowing herself to give into this dance they'd been doing for way too long.

When she finally released him from this kiss, she started pacing. "I hate men. I mean, I really just don't like them. I'm sick of it, Grissom. I'm tired of you guys wanting what you can't have, and then when you do have it, you treat it like shit! I'm fucking tired of it, and I want to know where I can find someone who doesn't want anything from me. I just want to exist. Is that possible?"

"I don't think so," Grissom said. "What happened, Sara? Did that son of a bitch cheat on you?"

"Worse," she said angrily. "He took my fucking promotion."

* * *

  
Sara read the email 3 times before she called her husband. She just couldn't believe it. The nerve of that man!

The letter was from Jack.

_Dear friends,_

I'd like you to join me in welcoming Robert Williamson as the new supervisor for Day shift. He's been a CSI 3 on Graveyard for many years now, and when he expressed interest in the position, I found him to be the best candidate for the job. I feel better about retiring knowing that I'm leaving him in charge. If you see him, make sure to give him hearty congratulations, because he's earned it.

- Jack

Sara suspected, in the back of her mind, that her husband had been hiding something from her. She just figured it was an affair, not taking the position she'd worked so hard to get for many, many years. It was just so weird that he would go behind her back and take this chance from her. Just a few weeks ago, she called Jack and asked him if she could have a month or two more before she came back, and he assured her he was going to stay for at least 3 or 4 months longer. It didn't make her mad that he changed his mind; it made her mad that her husband took advantage of the fact Jack changed his mind.

So she called Robert. She had some things she wanted to discuss with him.

"Happy New Year!" Robert answered cheerfully. Sara groaned.

"Congratulations," she said coarsely.

"On what?"

"What the hell do you think, on what? Congratulations on your well-deserved promotion, Robert, that's what."

Robert snorted.

"Jesus, Sara, why the hell do you care? Are you even coming back from that black hole of the desert?"

"I had planned to, yes," she said, knowing that she didn't sound very confident in that fact. "I told you, and I told Jack, that I would be back to take the promotion. I've worked hard for it, Robert. I've worked my ass off for that promotion, and Jack wanted me to have it. I've been a CSI 3 longer than you, anyway. How did you even convince him to let you have it?"

Sara wouldn't tell anyone this, but she thought she was a much better CSI than her husband. She'd always thought that, from the very beginning. He was definitely good, but she cared more, and that gave her an edge. She wanted to find the bastards that did it; Robert seemed to only want to advance in his career. Plus, she worked harder than him. She did more overtime, more paperwork, talked to more people. It was a huge dividing line between them, and was the biggest instigator of many of their fights.

Robert chuckled. "I told him you were staying. He wanted to call you, but I told him you were working on a really tough case in Vegas and didn't want to take any calls. Honestly, I think he just wanted out. I don't think he really cared who took his job--me, you, or the janitor--as long as he could retire."

Sara obviously underestimated what a prick Robert could be. She always knew he had a dark side. Apparently, she had no idea how dark.

"Why'd you do it?" She asked him.

"Why? Because I'm pissed, Sara. You're out there in Vegas, probably screwing your brains out with some old man you met once for a few days, and I'm stuck here cleaning up your messes. We're married. We had a life together, and maybe it wasn't terribly exciting, but it wasn't bad, right? And you run off the second that man calls you."

"I'm not screwing him," she said bitterly. She didn't know what to say to the rest of what he said.

"Tell me this, Sara. Tell me you haven't done something to feel guilty about. Tell me you haven't thought about having an affair. Tell me you haven't wished you were single so you could be with him. Tell me you haven't thought about kissing him or actually did kiss him. Tell me you didn't think about leaving me for him. If you can, I'll step aside, and you can come home and have this promotion."

Sara was quiet.

After a while, Robert chuckled again. "God, Sara. I really thought we were going to make this work. And you know what? I'm sorry it didn't. I loved you. I still do love you. I wanted to have a family with you. But if this man, the man that has always come between us in this marriage whether you know it or not, can promise what I've promised you, which I very much doubt, go for it. But know that I tried."

"I tried too, Robert. We did have good times. I don't think I'm ready to give up on us yet."

"Are you sure about that?" He asked her. "If you're not ready to give up, come home. Come home in the next 24 hours, and work this out with me. We'll figure out the promotion. Come back, Sara."

Sara bit her lip. What the hell was she supposed to say? And what the hell did she want to do? She could go to San Francisco, where she was constantly haunted by ghosts of her childhood, and be with the man who made a promise to love her for the rest of their lives. Or she could stay in Las Vegas with a man she wasn't sure would give her anything she wanted, but she couldn't resist, a man that she never stopped thinking about, a man that she was starting to love more than she ever could have thought. It was a new year, and it was a chance for a new life, a new start, and maybe that's what she needed.

"You know what I'm going to pick," she finally said. And he sighed, because he did know, and he probably knew the whole time.

"Yeah, I know. I've known since the beginning, but I thought if I showed you a nice life, if I showed you how it feels for a man to really, truly love you, you'd get over it. And you didn't, so I guess it's over. Come get your shit next week; I'll be out of town."

"Don't sound so cocky about it, Robert. What the hell did you show me, anyway? That working hard and then going home to watch a basketball game is an awesome way to go through life? You said you were going to spoil me, and how did you do that? By letting me watch TV with you after a long, hard day at work?"

"What was I supposed to do, hold your hand and tell you about my day? Tell you about another dead body, another victim that none of us could help?"

"Yes," she said, feeling the tears coming but trying as hard as she could not to let them. "Yes, that's what I wanted, what I needed. Whenever I'd try to talk about anything like that, you'd change the subject. Sometimes I just want to talk, Robert. About my dad, about anything. You know, my dad would say--"

"Your dad was an abusive jackass, so don't even bother, Sara. Look, it's over, okay? Go find that old man of yours and do what you have to do, because I'm done. I tried, and I failed."

"Yes, you did. And so did I."

"Later, Sara."

"Bye," she said, and hung up. And then she stared at her phone and wondered what the hell she was going to do. For approximately 17 seconds, she mourned what was left of her marriage. Then she threw her phone at the wall, watching it shatter. And then she calmly collected her keys, opened her door, locked the door, and then drove to the house of the man she loved.

* * *

Grissom listened to her talk and nodded in the right places. He wasn't exactly sure what she was saying, but the gist was that she was leaving her husband, and it was because of some kind of promotion.

"You're leaving him because he took your job?" He asked when she stopped talking.

She sighed and shook her head. They were sitting on his sofa, and not close enough. He moved closer to her, and held her hand. She put her head on his shoulder, and he stroked her hair. God, he wanted her so bad. She was still wearing that blue dress, that dress that made everything a little more interesting. He wanted to take it off of her. He wanted to see her naked and wet. He wanted to touch her, every part of her, and claim it as his own. But he couldn't do that yet. She was far too vulnerable.

"No, I didn't exactly leave him. It's more like he left me. But it's not because of the promotion. It's a lot more than that. And frankly, it's a good thing. It should have ended years ago when I woke up and realized I'd never love him as much...well, it should have ended years ago."

Grissom wanted to ask, "As much as what?" But he had a better question in mind.

"If you were unhappy, why didn't you leave?"

Sara sighed. He kissed her forehead. She leaned up and kissed his lips. He wasn't sure what to do, but he knew he didn't want to stop. So they kissed. A lot. But before he let his hands do the walking, he broke the kiss.

"Tell me, Sara. I want to know. Before we...before I can kiss you like that again, I want to know what's going on. I have to know."

"Okay. I owe you that," she said. "There has never been a man in my life who has loved me like Robert has. He pursued me. He never let me doubt that I was the one for him. And even though I wasn't completely in love with him, I married him because I didn't think I'd ever find anyone else who loved me like that. And, Grissom...even my father couldn't love me like that. Even he left me. He left me and my mom when I was 8. He came back over and over again, and my mom, well, stabbed him when he said he was leaving for the last time. I've never told anybody that, but it's true. He even had another girlfriend and a 3-year-old daughter at that time. It's just...men keep leaving me, Griss. And he promised he never would, and I wanted that. It was a stable life, and I thought that was what I wanted."

Gil's heart broke for this woman. What could he say to make her understand? What could he possibly say?

Before he could say anything, Sara arranged herself so she could look in his eyes. He loved when she looked at him like that. He felt like he was something, something more than he ever thought he was capable of being.

"You know, this is weird, but I think about what would have happened if it had been me under that car instead of Holly. What if things were different, Griss? What if you hired me instead of Holly? What if Natalie took me instead? I do wonder about that. It makes me think about everything that's happened in my life since then. About how I married Robert on the basis that I could grow to love him. And the truth is, he never even had a chance. Because I loved someone else, someone I couldn't have, way more than I could have ever loved him."

"Sara...Robert is not the only man in your life who has loved you enough to want to marry you," he told her. She smiled sadly.

"I wasn't lying when I said if I hadn't been married, if I didn't have a daughter, things would have been much different. And frankly, that husband of yours is an idiot if he let you go. Because if you give me the chance, I never will. Never. I have waited too long for this opportunity to come by again, and if you're giving it to me, I'm taking it."

"You love me?" She asked him, grinning in a way that gave him some very naughty thoughts.

"Like you wouldn't believe," he said.

"Then take me into that bedroom and show me how much," she said wickedly. "Make love to me, Gilbert Grissom."

"Okay," he said. He didn't need to be told twice.

He took her hand, and led her down the hallway to his bedroom. When they got to the bedroom, they both turned to look at each other, and then the bed. The king sized bed waited for them to consummate their love, finally, after trying to deprive themselves of it for so very long.

Sara wanted to throw Gil Grissom down on that bed, straddle him, and do very, very bad things to him. Grissom, however, wanted to take his time, and she let him, because God, it just felt so good. The way he reached under her dress and touched her instead of taking the dress off. The way he caressed her stomach, lightly stroking it, making all kinds of stimulating sensations reverberate through her body. The way his fingers slowly traveled to her nipples, taking his time, measuring the beat of his moves to the way she moaned.

By the time he stuck a finger inside her panties, she was wet. Very, very wet and very, very ready. He stroked her, made her arch her back in complete ecstasy, both of them taking some time to enjoy the moment. But he was still only teasing her. He was giving her a preview of what was going to happen until she couldn't possibly stand it any longer.

When she was on the brink of not being able to take it anymore, she said, "Please. Please, I want you inside of me. I want to feel you on top of me, inside of me, and soon. Now, preferably."

He grinned. Instead of doing as she requested, he reached into a bedside drawer, and came out with 2 silk scarves.

"These were a gag gift from Catherine once upon a time. Never used them, never wanted to until now. Do you trust me?"

She smiled dangerously. "Intimately."

Before he did anything, he slowly peeled that damn blue dress off of her. She felt awesomely exposed as he took the scarves and tied her hands to the bedpost. When he was done, he took a minute to look her up and down. Even in the darkness of the night, she could feel his eyes on her, taking in every little detail about her body, memorizing it for later use. She liked this. It made her feel dirty.

Grissom set about the task of body exploration. First, it was her lips. They kissed until their lips were raw. He could have multi tasked during this part of the mission, exploring the other parts of her body with his hands, but it seemed like his ultimate goal was to tease her, and it was working. It was so frustrating for her to not be able to touch him while he was kissing her. But she'd get a chance for that later. She'd make sure of that.

Finally, his mouth drifted away from hers. He nibbled on her ear. He kissed her neck gently. He made a trail down her collarbone, her sternum, until he found a nipple. He wrapped his mouth around it and teased it with his tongue, which elicited a sharp gasp from her that made him very, very anxious to keep traveling. More kissing; another nipple, her stomach, her belly button. He gently parted her legs, looking at his newly found treasure in only the light of the moon. He stuck a finger inside of her, feeling how dripping wet she was, feeling how anxious she was for him to be inside of her.

But before he gave into her wishes, he wanted a taste. All he could think about was what she tasted like, so he found out for himself. He found out until she came with ferocity he'd never even seen before, and it made him want to be inside of her like nothing he'd ever wanted in his entire life.

"Do you want me?" He whispered in her ear.

"I want you," she said in her throaty, seductive tone.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to fuck me," she said.

So he did. He slid inside of her, causing them both to moan deliciously.

"I've wanted this since the day I met you," he told her as he made love to her. "Ever since I saw you sitting in the front row. Ever since you asked me about the body farm. Ever since I knew there was a woman in this world who was capable of making me feel the way you do."

She couldn't speak; all she could do was moan. He couldn't believe how good it felt to be inside of this woman he loved in a way that was completely foreign to him. It wasn't the way he loved his ex-wife; he never loved her the way he loved Sara Sidle. And that was a relief, because the way he loved Sara took every single bone in his body, and it was exhausting. Exhausting and supremely satisfying.

When it was over, and it was not over quickly, he untied her and she collapsed against him, exhausted and supremely satisfied. Well, almost. She had some plans for him in mind later; devious plans that would make him suffer the way he made her suffer with his silk scarves. Payback was a bitch.

He looked over at the alarm clock. It was 3:19 in the morning, New Year's Day.

"Happy New Year," he told her, kissing her sweaty forehead.

"Yes, it is," she said.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

They fell asleep, the first time of many that they would fall asleep together. When they woke up, at 1:00 in the afternoon no less, Sara got her payback when she showed him what it was like to be teased. And finally, everything was the way it was supposed to be.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N - So, here we are at the last chapter. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, because I really had no idea if anyone would want to read this or not. Thanks to GSFanatic, who gives the best suggestions, and challenges me to write this story the way it deserves to be written.**

It's been so much fun to write, and I'm sad it's over. So sad, in fact, that there will definitely be a sequel. When, I don't know exactly, but it'll be soon, and it'll concentrate on Sara's ghosts, because we all know she has a lot of them. So look out for that in the future.

Again, thanks to everyone who read, everyone who reviewed, and also your mom.

Sara decided she wanted to start this new life, this life she'd been dreaming about for so long, as soon as possible. So on New Year's Day, she reluctantly tore herself out of Grissom's arms and drove the 8 hours to San Francisco.

She couldn't stop smiling. At the red lights, through the streets, through the highways, through the traffic and congestion, through the smog, through the past that she was leaving behind, she couldn't stop smiling, and didn't want to stop smiling. Because although going back to California and essentially leaving her soon to be ex-husband behind was a rather unpleasant task, it would be okay. Because at the end of it, when she packed her bags and left the place she'd been living for an eternity, she would be going home. Back to Vegas, back to Grissom, where her heart and soul lived--home. She couldn't stop smiling.

When she finally made it to the house, she was relieved to see Robert's car wasn't in the driveway. He told her he was going out of town, but she had no idea where and when. She was relieved, and just a little bit sad. The relationship was never exactly what she wanted, but he loved her, and a part of her loved him, and she was just the slightest bit wistful as she packed her things.

There wasn't much to pack; she brought most of her things with her to Vegas in a U-Haul. But she packed the rest of her CDs, her physics textbooks from college that she couldn't make herself sell or throw away, the quilt her mother made for her so many years ago, the CD player that her second foster mother gave her as a Christmas present.

She considered taking the sheets from their bed; they were expensive and she bought them as a gift for their second wedding anniversary. However, when she saw a pair of panties hidden in the sheets, panties that were decidedly not hers, she decided he could keep the sheets. And whoever belonged to the panties.

_Wow, he either works fast or...well, whatever._ After all, she found someone of her own, too. _Good for him,_ she thought without too much bitterness. Whatever kept him occupied.

Before she left, she poured a glass of wine and flipped through their shared photo album, taking out a few pictures to keep. There were only 2 pictures of her younger years; the years before she had to grow up very, very quickly. One of them was with her father. She was sitting on his lap, and they were watching something on TV together, completely enraptured in whatever was entertaining them at the time. Her dad liked nothing more to come home from work and eat the dinner his wife spent most of the day cooking and zone out in front of the TV.

It was the only picture she had left of him. She took it out, touched it, stared at the man who was taken from her before she could really get to know what he was about. He was more than an abusive alcoholic, he had to be. He had to have liked something more than whatever was on the TV on a certain night. She wished she could have known him better before her mother took away that chance.

She took out a picture of the Millers, the first foster family who took her in. They were nice enough, but they had 6 other foster children and Sara didn't handle that well. All she wanted to do was go outside and smoke, a habit she picked up from her older brother. When the Millers found out, they sent her to the group home, where she spent 4 long, angsty, uncomfortable years doing not much else but studying and smoking as many cigarettes as she could find. She spent the last 2 years of foster care with a widower, Laine McGill, who taught her interesting things about boys, school, and life. Sometimes, they'd go out on Laine's porch and smoke until the sun came up. Sara would listen as Laine talked about her husband and how they never had the opportunity to have the kids they so often dreamed about before he died. Sara told Laine about her dad, and all the various crushes she had at school.

Sara looked at pictures of graduating from high school, her first day at Harvard, then walking across the stage at Harvard, the strange hippie friends she made at Berkeley, a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset. She looked somewhat longingly at a picture of her and Robert on the night he proposed. In the picture, she was looking at him like he was the answer to the question she never stopped asking - would he be the one to make her forget about Grissom? In the end, he wasn't, because nobody could. Gil Grissom was unforgettable.

She threw the pictures in her purse, packed the rest of her things in the car, and found a cheap hotel to stay in for the night. Grissom didn't want her driving so far at night, and she didn't want to worry him.

Even after going through so many memories with the photo album, Sara was still able to close her eyes and go to sleep with a smile on her face. Because tomorrow, she was going home.

* * *

Grissom was daydreaming, and he wasn't a daydreamer. He sat in his office, needing to focus on the mountain of paperwork he had in front of him, thinking about this incredible woman who was about to be in his life full-time. He was thinking about asking her to move in with him as soon as she returned from California. _Why not?_ He thought happily. He couldn't think of any reasons why not.

His phone rang, interrupting him in between thoughts of Sara living with him, of waking up to her in their bed, of her soft, delicious thighs and what he could do between them. He was glad the phone rang; thinking these kinds of thoughts at work was just plain dangerous.

"Grissom," he said distractedly.

"Dad! I heard that Sara--"

"Charlotte, you know that gossip is very unbecoming of a young lady," he said, smiling.

"Oh, please, when have I ever been becoming? Anyway, I heard that Sara is leaving her husband! Is that true? Is that really happening? Is Sara going to be my wicked stepmother?"

Grissom snorted. "Sara is leaving her husband, yes. As for being your stepmother, let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay? Let's just enjoy the moment."

"Oh, I'm so proud of you guys! She's the right woman for you, Dad. She really, truly is."

"I know," he said. "I am very aware of this."

"Okay, good. At least we're on the same page. Now, Dad, I have to ask you for a favor. I had all these bills this month, and I'd really like to get Mom something nice for her birthday, and..."

As Charlotte rambled on about needing to once again borrow money from her hard-working father, an unfamiliar face appeared in Grissom's doorway. It was not the face of a happy person. In fact, it was the face of a really pissed off person.

"Uh, Charlotte, we'll talk later. Love you, bye." He hung up and watched as this very angry man all but stomped into his office, nearly slamming the door behind him. Grissom was suddenly glad that he'd kept a revolver in his desk for many, many years.

"Are you Grissom?" The man asked gruffly.

"Whom may I say is asking?" He said just as gruffly.

"I'm Robert, my wife is Sara, and you're Gil, the bastard she never got over. How does it feel to take something that's not yours? How does it feel to take another man's wife?"

"Now, come on, Robert. I didn't exactly take her, she pretty much came willingly." _In more ways than one._

Robert balled his fists, and Grissom got ready to duck.

"It's a real good thing I'm not the violent type, because if I was..."

Grissom nodded, wondering how Sara never got around to mentioning her husband was built like a WWE wrestler.

"Where is she, anyway?" Robert asked, irritated.

"She went to California to get the rest of her belongings."

"Wow, that was quick. She must be in a hurry."

Grissom nodded slightly.

"Man...do you understand what you've taken from me? Can you even begin to grasp what you've done to me here? She is my wife. We're married! Everything was fine until you asked her to come here. What kind of an asshole are you, man?!"

Grissom felt for the guy, he really did. He knew what it was like to not have Sara Sidle in his life. It sucked.

"Robert, I'm not sure why you came here, or what it is you want from me, but I do owe you an apology. When I asked her to come out here, I didn't have intentions of keeping her longer than we needed her. But I got greedy, and I realized how much I wanted her to stay, and, well...I'm sorry."

"I don't want an apology, I want my wife back."

Grissom was getting annoyed. He understood what this man was going through, but he'd had enough.

"I didn't kidnap your wife and drag her back to my cave. She chose to come here and she chose to leave you. I don't know anything about the relationship the two of you had, but she wants to be here. I'm sure the one thing we both can agree on is that we want her to be happy, and if she's happy here, that's where I want her to be. If she was happier with you in California, then I want her to be there. I just want her to be happy."

This set something off in Robert and he got in Grissom's face. Grissom put a hand closer to the drawer with the revolver in it. He didn't think it would come to that, but better to be safe than sorry.

"What makes you think you can make her happier than I did? She was happy with me. Me! Who the hell are you to tell me that you're better for her than I am? You have some nerve, man. Some goddamn nerve."

Grissom rose so he was nose to nose with this Robert. He wasn't a confrontational man, but this guy was pissing him off.

"You make her happy, huh?"

Robert took a tiny step back.

"Yeah, I did. At least until you came along and destroyed what we had."

"What do you do to make her happy? She loves late 70's punk rock, do you listen to it with her? She likes taking long walks in the morning to clear her head. Do you go with her? She likes to experiment with new vegetarian dishes, do you cook with her? She loves to be kissed in that spot on her neck with all the freckles, do you ever kiss her there? I haven't had the opportunity to do those things with her yet, and I hope she gives me the chance, because I want to. I want to see her smile because of something I've done, and I'd love to know that something I did made her happy. I'm ready to do this for her until my last breath, because if anyone has ever deserved to be happy, it's her. And you know what? Neither of us deserves her at all. I'm the luckiest man alive right now, but at least I know that. You never knew that, and that's your problem."

"You don't even know problems yet, man!" Robert yelled, and banged his fist on Grissom's desk, knocking Grissom's nameplate of the desk. They both watched as it crashed to the floor. The sound of the nameplate hitting the floor seemed to bring some type of revelation to Robert, and he visibly relaxed.

He sighed, and sat down in the chair in front of Grissom's desk. "I thought I was making her happy. She'd come home from work and we'd sit together and watch basketball. I didn't ask her if that's what she wanted to do, because she always just did it. Now that I think about it, we do the things I've always done by myself, just...together. That's not fair to her."

Grissom shook his head, and the two men considered each other for a moment.

"She'd always mention going for a walk, too. I'd say, "Have fun," and I'd sit there and watch TV or whatever and she'd go by herself. It didn't even occur to me to go with her, man."

He sighed deeply. "I just can't believe I let her get away. I just keep thinking about what I could have done differently, but I just never asked her about it. I thought maybe I should have rubbed her feet more or maybe I could have done the dishes more, when really I should have just asked her what would make her happy. Now I've lost her. Now all she can be is--"

"The one that got away," Grissom finished for him. "I know the feeling. I let her get away once, too."

Robert shook his head. "Do you know how much she talks about you? She stopped doing it so much after I called her on it, but I always know when she wants to mention you and holds herself back. There's this gleam in her eye she never had for me. I thought maybe we'd get married and she'd get over it, but she never did."

"I'm sorry. I really am. She's a good woman."

"Yeah, she is. I'll find someone else, sure, but there aren't a lot like her out there."

Grissom nodded, not knowing what else to say.

"Look, man, don't tell her I was here, okay? She doesn't need to know."

"Fair enough," Grissom said.

"Treat her right. She had a really shitty childhood, and she never talks about it, but I think she wants to. Just another thing on the list I should have done for her. But maybe it'll help her to talk about those ghosts she was never able to leave behind, you know?"

Grissom nodded.

"Okay. Okay, good. And if you hurt her in any kind of way...I'm a CSI too, and I know how to hide a body."

Grissom chuckled as Robert walked out of his office.

* * *

When Sara got back from San Francisco, Gil took her to a nice dinner. They both dressed up and ordered the nicest, most expensive meals on the menu. They talked and laughed and held hands across the table, and after a few glasses of wine had been consumed, Sara slid in next to Grissom and they sat next to each other while they ate a decadent dessert. After dinner, Grissom drove them back to his house, where they made love and instantly fell asleep. When they woke up, Grissom asked her to move in. She accepted.  
For breakfast, Grissom made chocolate chip pancakes, and some bacon for himself. They sat side by side and shared sections of the newspaper.

"I'm going for a walk," Sara said after breakfast. "I need to do something to get these pancakes off."

"Would you like some company?"

She looked surprised for a moment, and then she smiled.

"Of course. I would love for you to join me."

They walked around the neighborhood, _their_ neighborhood, hand in hand.

"It's a beautiful day," she said, looking at the sky, the trees, the grass.

"Yes, it is," he said, looking at her.

"I'm really happy I'm here with you. It just feels right. Nothing in my life has ever felt like it was happening the way it should, but this, you know, us...does. Thank you for that, seriously."

"I'm happy, too, Sara. You make me happy."

They continued walking, silent for a few minutes, enjoying the feel of the morning air on their faces.

"Do you believe in fate?" She asked him.

"Yes, I do. I didn't for a long time, because hey, I'm a scientist. Everything has to have a logical reason, and I will figure out the reason using every tool available to me."

"When did you change your mind?"

Grissom was quiet for a moment or two. Sara didn't push him to answer the question; she knew he was thinking about it.

"There was a case. It was about 4 years ago, and I wasn't in the right mindset. Just divorced, going home to an empty house every day...it wasn't a good time in my life. And there was a woman, this nurse...she was murdered, and it struck something in me. It was pretty brutal; she and her boyfriend were killed in a crime of passion. The boyfriend was carved into pieces with a scalpel by her former lover. We found him in many plastic bags in the garbage. I was a little obsessed with the case. I stayed at the house well into my third shift looking for evidence. The girl, she resembled...well, you. She looked exactly like you. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and her, and how I wished things could have been different, and how I wished I either never kissed you that night or never stopped kissing you that night. Before that, I didn't know that you were a part of me, ingrained in my psyche. And then I did."

"I knew that since the day I first met you," she said quietly. He squeezed her hand. "But how did that make you believe in fate?"

"Because I knew then that if I hadn't met you, something was wrong with the universe. I never believed in soul mates; Avery came along when I was in my early twenties and just assumed we'd be together, so we were. But after meeting you, I just couldn't imagine my life without you. And it just seemed like it was supposed to happen. Don't get me wrong; I don't think I wasn't destined to meet Avery, because then I wouldn't have Charlotte, and she's...well, you know how she is. I couldn't live without her. But maybe there were other objects in the way of us finding each other again. Maybe Avery and I were destined to get a divorce before I met you, and we should have gotten together the night we kissed. Maybe I should have hired you instead of Holly, or maybe Holly wouldn't have been able to shoot her attacker on her first night as a CSI and I would have called you in to investigate. There are too many maybes, and I have to believe that it's fate. It's just something I have to do."

Sara stopped walking, so Grissom stopped short. She put her arms around him and gave him a long, deep, promising kiss.

"You are so getting laid today," she whispered in his ear. He laughed and pinched her butt.

And then they walked back to _their_ house, hand in hand, ready to start _their_ life the way it was destined to be.


	12. Epilogue

He had a dream once. It was after he fell asleep next to the woman he loved, the woman he craved, the woman he couldn't imagine being without. He dreamed about her, about how once upon a time, he had settled for the fact that he'd never again know what it was like to kiss her. When he woke up, he was relieved to find it was just a dream. In fact, he kissed her, morning breath and all, and she moaned and rolled over, taking all the covers with her.

Before Sara Sidle came back into his life, he'd been ready to give up his career. He was ready to give up the bugs, the bodies, and the boobs. There was a nice, secluded farm out in Wyoming that was calling to him, and he'd been ready to answer. But once she made herself at home in his life, he realized the farm could wait. He'd eventually make it to Wyoming, not soon, and she'd be coming with him. But he realized working with her revitalized him. They had a routine, a vision, that came together perfectly, and he wasn't ready to give that up. Actually, he was just getting started.

They told Ecklie about their relationship a few weeks after it was consummated for the first time. Ecklie was so surprised they came clean about it; he arranged it so Catherine would be Sara's direct supervisor and would do her evaluations. Everyone, including Catherine, was happy with how it worked out.

Soon after that, he and the love of his life had dinner with Charlotte, who grinned through the whole evening.

"You found someone," she said when Sara excused herself to go to the bathroom. "I'm not worried about you anymore."

Avery also gave her congratulations. She was happy that one of them was doing well; the man she was dating proved not to be relationship material after all. She took Sara to lunch and told her a few things about Grissom she thought Sara should know. Sara already knew these things, but she smiled and nodded and even took notes on a napkin to humor Avery.

As soon as Sara's divorce was final, Grissom took her to the Stratosphere to ride the roller coasters. When they were suspended in mid-air, he took her hand and put a ring on her finger. The screaming that followed was not just because the rollercoaster was hurtling down the tracks and Sara was scared for her life. She was happy for her life, and she gave her new fiancée a big kiss to prove it.

Not that everything was perfect, but no life ever is. Sara still had her ghosts to catch up with, and Grissom still had his work to obsess over. Sometimes they both just wanted to be alone. Grissom hated it when Sara went into the bedroom and closed the door for hours on end. He always wondered what she was doing in there and why he couldn't help her deal with it. And Sara hated when he went into his office and enveloped himself into yet another case that would take over his life for God knows how long. They had their ways of dealing with problems, even if it drove the other crazy.

But when the chips were down, they tried to be there for each other. When Sara finally retreated from the locked bedroom, he would hold her tightly while she told him what was bothering her. It usually had something to do with a case. He gently tried to persuade her to go to therapy for her demons, but she'd always smile and assure him that she was okay. He didn't believe her, but she was stubborn, and he admired that about her.

And when he was tired of running into yet another problem in the case he was obsessing over, Sara would go over it with him; listening to all the details and then offering her own input. And then he'd realize how wonderfully patient she was and the case would be set aside, at least for a little while.

They knew how the other ticked, and they also knew how to press each other's buttons. It was an interesting and sometimes dangerous game they played; a game of who knew the most about the other. Sometimes Grissom got nervous when he realized how well Sara knew him. Sometimes Sara wanted to run back home to California when she figured out there was someone in this world who probably knew her better than she knew herself. For 2 introverts, this was a scary proposition.

Things weren't perfect, but they were the way they should have been. Sara remembered waiting for Grissom to call her to Vegas. She remembered what it was like to be in Robert's arms and wish they were someone else's. She remembered hoping that going to Vegas would be her second chance, and when it turned out to be the case, she remembered what a relief it was to finally be right about something. She believed in fate, and in return, fate brought her back to where she belonged. Fate brought her back to Gil Grissom.


End file.
